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Old February 19th, 2001, 01:33 PM   #1
StarBaby
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Two penguins walk into a bar which is really stupid since the second one should have seen it *G*
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Old February 19th, 2001, 02:11 PM   #2
LiamFan!
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That's one of my favorites, too. (I heard it as "two guys..." but still...)

One of my favorite jokes is:

A guy is out fishing on a lake and having no luck. He looks over across the lake at another guy pulling in fish after fish. Finally, he makes his way across the lake and says to the guy, "Sorry to bother you, but I can't help noticing you are catching a LOT of fish...may I ask what your secret is?"

The guy replies, "Mmph mphmmum mph mph mmph mmmph"

"Pardon?" the unsuccessful fisherman inquires.

The guy repeats, "Mmph mphmmmum mph mph mmph mmmph"

"I'm sorry...I can't understand..."

The successful fisherman spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm."
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Old February 20th, 2001, 08:36 PM   #3
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ewwwwww Liam.... that brought horrifying episodes of survior to mind! I still cant believe they actually found people willing to do that!
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Old February 20th, 2001, 09:01 PM   #4
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ROFL!!!!! ewwwwww!!!

I like that penguin one, a lot!
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Old February 21st, 2001, 06:58 PM   #5
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ROFL, Liam! I heard that decades ago on the Johnny Carson Show. It's still as funny now as it was then.
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Old February 21st, 2001, 07:23 PM   #6
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decades ago?

Wonder210 remembers it from decades ago? She must be REALLLY old!
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Old February 25th, 2001, 02:25 PM   #7
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Yadda sent me this one:

A little girl said, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?

"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.

As she sat on her grandfather's lap she said, "Grandpa,
can you make a sound like a frog?"

"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound
like a frog."

The girl said, "Grandpa, will you please, please make a
sound like a frog?"

Perplexed, her grandfather said, "Sweetheart, why do you
want me to make a sound like a frog?"

And the little girl said, "Because Grandma said that when
you croak, we're going to Florida!"

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Old March 2nd, 2001, 07:33 PM   #8
Yadax3
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Stupid Joke

What are goose bumps for?
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Old March 2nd, 2001, 07:34 PM   #9
Yadax3
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Punch Line

To slow down speeding geese.
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Old March 2nd, 2001, 11:04 PM   #10
Terri
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ROFL YADDIE
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Old March 3rd, 2001, 07:17 PM   #11
DLC55
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An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check
for a clunking noise when going around corners.

He took the car out for a test drive and made two right
turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service
manager with this note:

"Removed bowling ball from trunk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the teacher"






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Old March 3rd, 2001, 08:16 PM   #12
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rofl!!!!! that sounds like my child!
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Old March 4th, 2001, 09:41 AM   #13
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.?
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Old March 13th, 2001, 05:23 PM   #14
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Dear Friends,

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged women.

Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 men. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 men, of whom 4 were worth keeping. REMEMBER this chain letter brings luck.

One woman's cat died, and the next day she received a hunk.

An unmarried woman living with her widowed mother was able to choose between a Chippendale dancer and an Olympic swimmer.

You can be lucky, too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back again!

Let's keep it going, ladies! Just add your name to the list below!

1. Hillary Clinton
Chappaqua, NY
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Old May 11th, 2001, 04:41 PM   #15
k-kane
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joke

two men are walking their dogs. they want to get a drink at a bar, but they don't want to leave their dogs outside. one guy says to the other "let me go in first, then do what i do."

he walks into the bar, and the bartender immediately says: "hey, no dogs in here!"
"i understand sir, but i am blind,and this is my seeing eye dog."

the bartender apologizes and says "oh go ahead, there is a table in the back."

so the second guy walks in with his dog. the bartender again says "excuse me, we don't allow dogs in here."
"yes i know, except that i am blind and this is my seeing eye dog."

the bartender looks at him and says, incredulously
"a chihuahua?"

"ohmygod! they SOLD ME A CHIHUAHUA!?!"
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