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Old January 12th, 2001, 08:43 PM   #1
QuietWOW
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You know they've proven we live longer - maybe we tell better jokes? Anyway this is the place for sharing those jokes that women find more amusing than our menfolk do
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Old February 28th, 2001, 10:49 PM   #2
Cuzn
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Talking

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY GIRLFRIENDS:
Good times are even better when they're shared.
A good long talk can cure almost anything.
Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
Listening is just as important as talking.
An understanding friend is better than a therapist; and cheaper too!
Laughter makes the world a happier place.
Friends are like wine; they get better with age.
Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
Great minds think alike, especially when they are female!
When it comes to "bonding," females do it better.
YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR SLUMBER PARTIES!!!!
Girls just want to have fun.
It's important to make time to do "girl things."
Calories don't count when you are having lunch (or any other food) with your girlfriends
You can never have too many shoes.
GEMS MAY BE PRECIOUS, BUT FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS!!!!!


IT IS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

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Old March 12th, 2001, 09:47 PM   #3
Cuzn
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A Fairy Tale for the Assertive Woman

Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
A beautiful, independent,
self assured princess,
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess' lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome Prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young Prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in yon castle
with my Mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy
doing so.

That night,
while dining on lightly saut'd frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled to herself and thought:


I don't f'ing think so.
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Old June 19th, 2001, 03:44 PM   #4
WahmWOW
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<font size=7>Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

<font size=3>Now I didn't know if I should put this in Especially for Women or in Funny but True but anyway....

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you if its still okay..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." <font size=3>
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Old July 28th, 2001, 12:26 AM   #5
MommaD
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A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"

The woman says dryly, "I'll miss you."
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Old August 18th, 2001, 08:40 AM   #6
Tala
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Wink The total truth

I remembered this while reading the other jokes so I had to give this one.
Men think they know everything while Women know that they do know everything and are usually right in that as well.
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Old October 30th, 2001, 09:39 PM   #7
DragonFox
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Thumbs up Crossing Rivers

Crossing Rivers

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging,
violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how
to do so.


The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to
cross this river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across
the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.


Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the
strength ..and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat
and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost
capsizing the boat a couple of times.


The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also
prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and
the intelligence... to cross this river."


And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked
upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
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Old August 17th, 2002, 02:11 PM   #8
skcb2
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cuzn
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY GIRLFRIENDS:
Good times are even better when they're shared.
A good long talk can cure almost anything.
Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
Listening is just as important as talking.
An understanding friend is better than a therapist; and cheaper too!
Laughter makes the world a happier place.
Friends are like wine; they get better with age.
Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
Great minds think alike, especially when they are female!
When it comes to "bonding," females do it better.
YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR SLUMBER PARTIES!!!!
Girls just want to have fun.
It's important to make time to do "girl things."
Calories don't count when you are having lunch (or any other food) with your girlfriends
You can never have too many shoes.
GEMS MAY BE PRECIOUS, BUT FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS!!!!!


IT IS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

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Old August 18th, 2002, 01:16 AM   #9
Terri
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A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds
attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual
cycle.

For instance: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
and masculine features; and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a baseball bat
jammed up his butt.
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Old December 19th, 2002, 02:27 PM   #10
mary
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If Only Men Would Listen

A man driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.A woman driving down the same road.As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yell"PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies"Cow!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next coner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
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Old March 16th, 2004, 03:36 PM   #11
alina
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My goodness! I can't stop laughing... ))
This is hilarious! Thanks for posting!
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that takes our breath away." Make It A Great Day!
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Old March 17th, 2004, 02:44 AM   #12
crazymomma
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God,I miss that girl!!! LOL I'd forgotten that joke!
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Old October 20th, 2005, 12:03 AM   #13
Wolf_angel
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Hair removal

From an email I had received...Hope this doesnt offend anyone but its a riot.! LOL So if I do offend please forgive me.
Have a great day!

VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>
> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy,
> painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
> wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
> in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out
of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the
bathroom.
> It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
> just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
> apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair
> right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
I
> get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull.
>
> It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire!
>
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
> sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I
> drop
> my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure,
> I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering
the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my
butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply an brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
> returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
> CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
> spotted.
> I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing
drums???
> Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
> me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
the
> glory that is my triumph over body hair.
>
> I hold up the strip!
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
> the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
> I touch. I am touching wax.
>
>
> CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
> is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
> Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped
up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
> *Hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
> Butt?? Sealed shut!
>
>
> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
wax!!
> I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
> immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
it off,
> Right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
>
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
> torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the
only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
> together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of
the
> tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-
> epoxie myself to the porcelain!!
>
>
> God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
> phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has
waxed
> before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So,
> my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" I calmly
tell her.
>
>
> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
> where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
> rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!!
> Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
> While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in
> hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-
> shaving the sticky wax off!!
>
>
> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
> I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for
this event.
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
> really have
> to loss at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
>
> The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
> friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
works!!"
> I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
> I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
> grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could
> have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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Old October 22nd, 2005, 09:52 PM   #14
firewife2104
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Wanna carve a pumpkin?

Follow this link to carve your very own pumpkin

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/sabo...pkin_carve.asp
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Old October 23rd, 2005, 02:23 AM   #15
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LOL!

I'd wring your neck if I was close enough to you...
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