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Old September 10th, 2010, 06:49 PM   #1
BlueSerenity
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Unhappy This is the worst I've ever felt in my life...

Hi, I'm new here. I usually don?t use message forums, but I need help and I don?t know where to look. I found this place, I though maybe someone here could help me. I?m desperate. I'm going to skip the introduction just because I am in the worst emotional pain I have ever been in my life. I really need help. I don't know what to do.

Apologies in advance for how long this post it... and it's LONG.

I still live with my ex-boyfriend. We were together for four years... in fact we just celebrated our fourth anniversary of meeting each other the 15th of this august. Not even a month away. We have actually been broken up for several months, but we celebrated anyway, because we were first and foremost, friends, and even though we didn't wanna be together anymore, we still liked to look back on our times together with positivity. We wanted our break up and our relationship afterwards to be healthy and with as little heartache as possible. All that has changed now.

About a week ago, he started dating this girl. Now the fact that hes dating doesn't bother me. I have been on a couple dates myself since we broke up. It's the way he's doing it. One day, about five days ago, he leaves at 11 at night and doesn't come back until 7 in the morning to go hang out with this girl he had met two days before. Now, I know it shouldn't be my business. But he and I have - or had - a very close relationship even after we broke up. We still loved each other in many ways. And we made many promises to each other that when we dated, we would be careful and watch out for each others feeling and still try to be there for each other the best we could. That means, at least calling if you're gonna be out all night so the other person doesn't worry something happened to you, especially if it?s something that is so uncharacteristic of you. That?s just being a mature, considerate adult, right? I mean, he has never been the type to stay out all night, EVER. So yeah, it freaked me out and upset me, and he was just appalled by that. Telling me he?s 24 and can do whatever he wants. Sounds like of like a 5 year old who wants to play on the big kid?s toy. He just doesn?t get why there?s something wrong with it.

That?s just the beginning. After that night, everything changed. He started acting strange, extremely distant. And when he did talk to me, there is this animosity, and contempt, that wasn?t there before. He is incredibly self-righteous and self-consumed over this. It?s not like a relationship, its like a bizarre obsession/infatuation he?s thrown himself in because he?s not happy and doesn?t know what else to do. For whatever reason, he can?t treat me like a human being anymore. It's like he doesn't even want to be civil anymore. It's like he's doing things specifically to hurt me and I don't know why. It?s got this attitude, like he?s Caesar and I?m just a petty slave to be used and looked down on.

A day after that happened, he went out with her again, to where she lived - bout 60 miles away. He is NEVER willing to drive that far. He hasn't seen his childhood friends in 5 years because they live 40 miles away, now suddenly he?s willing to drive that long. The day after that, he came back for a little while, and went back. And he?s going again this weekend.

It really doesn't hurt me that he's dating. I've been wanting him to date because we were both our first serious relationship and we both needed that experience if we wanted to possibly get back together someday, but what he's doing is seriously causing me to have some serious doubts for any hope of a future with him.

He has a serious anger problem. He's already been verbally abusive to me. Broken my things. Flirted with other women behind my back. That's why we're not together anymore, because no matter how much he claimed to love me, he couldn't stop hurting me. But he?s always said sorry and tried to make up for the things he?s put me though. In the end, he always makes sure I know how much he cares about me deep down. He?s got We were doing great just living together as friends. We made it work for a good 6 months. It wasn't easy, but we were okay. Things weren't like this.

Ever since he's started seeing her, he has completely stopped talking to me - unless of course he wants to talk about HER or ask me to do something for me (jerk still expects me to find his socks?) He wont look me in the eye unless he?s screaming at me telling me how he doesn?t want me anymore because I?m a freak and I?m lazy. And everything we planned to do has apparently, and suddenly, gone out the window. Now, maybe it was naive of us to think that The hilarious thing about it is he doesn't even really like her. And thats not me being in denial. It might sound like he's become really attached to her all of the sudden and fallen head over heals for her, but they are polar opposites. From what I've learned about her, they have no common interests. I hear him talking on the phone with her and he sound so blah and uninterested. He's already complained about her to me over numerous things, despite the fact that I told him to respect me and not talk to me about her, be good or bad. It?s like he?s going through a mid-life crisis at 24. He can?t even treat me like a human being anymore. And why I try to tell him that, he freaks out and starts yelling ?What have I done to you?! What have I done to you?! I haven?t done anything to you, you?re just mad that I?m happy and you?re miserable because you can?t get over me.? Wow. The arrogance makes me want to laugh out loud, because the fact of the matter is, we broke up because HE treated ME bad. And afterwards, he worked SO hard to make things right between us. I mean, he really impressed me. Really showed me he cared. That?s how its been for the past few months, sure there?s been some arguing here and there, but we were still friends. We still wanted to hang out with each other sometimes, we really enjoyed each others company. Now he can?t stand to even look at me. And the feelings pretty mutual.

Anyway, today, I am just at my wits end. I have been through more emotional pain this week than I ever thought I could feel. I don't know what compelled him or made him feel so trapped that he had to burst out with such irrationality and throw everything that was still good about us out the window. Ironically, he says he feels more "grown up and mature" since he's been doing this. I don't know how. He's 25 and shes 19. She lives with her parents, doesn't work or go to college. She's a party girl. He goes and stays out with her all night, then comes home and treats everyone in the house with condescension and disrespect (we live with 3 other people). Not to mention, he works for a good 10 hours every day from home, and he hasn?t gotten nearly enough sleep to do his work properly. So, what part of what he?s doing makes him think he?s being mature and responsible?

One thing I know is, supposedly, this girl has had trouble with boys and a bad home life, which he things makes her a special case for some reason, but haven't we all had bad experiences? It sounds like shes kinda put herself where she is, with her behavior. What I mean by that is, the first time he went to pick her up and they were out all night, when she got home she got kicked out of wherever she was living. And now she lives far off with her parents and, supposedly, has to live in a shack with no TV, no phone, or anything else. I know he's blatantly lying about something. I don't know why he feels like he has to lie, but he doesn't do a very good job of hiding it. He tells me she cant use the phone past 9 because her parents go to bed then, yet he stays up all night talking to her on the phone somehow, and she doesn't have a cell phone, or so I've been told. Now I?m not trying to bash on her, I don?t know her and it?s not her fault he?s doing this all wrong, she?s just the one he decided to do it with.

The worst part is, he won't leave me alone. It's like he's doing all this specifically to hurt me. The first couple days, I was freaking out, just because he had been gone all night two nights in a row without calling. Then because he was acting so strange and disrespectful towards me. By the time day 4 started to roll around, I've been trying to keep it together. I've been talking to his mother (who is like my second mother. my parents were both drug addicts and alcoholics, so I didn't have much for parental figures when I was growing up and she has been a lifesaver to me) who has a good insight on his mind and how he works, but she can't understand it from my perspective.

I can understand why he would want to distance himself from me, because he wants to concentrated on his new "girlfriend", but the way he's been acting is unbelievable and absolutely disgusting. The only time he wants to talk to me anymore is when hes talking about her, no matter how many times I ask him not to, he won't talk about anything else and wont just leave me alone.

Even worse, he keeps coming into my bedroom and finding things he wants to bring to her!!! MY THINGS!!! I'm not even kidding. It?s absolutely insane. I had two TV's in my room, one small, because sometimes I'd like to play a game and watch TV at the same time to relax. Just yesterday he comes in here and tells me how he's taking the TV to give to her, and that we have other TV's in the garage I can have. Let me just specify that this little silver TV is a flat screen, component enabled TV and the TVs in the garage are there because they?re broken. I mean, come on, what is that? HE TOOK MY TV TO GIVE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND HES HAD FOR TWO DAYS!!! I mean, come on. It doesn?t matter that I still live here, and it was his money that bought it, it?s my stuff! And he just wants to take it and give it to some girl? With no regard for my feelings. And that was just the first thing. He keeps trying to take other things, specific things that mean something to me. My special edition box-set DVDs. Thing's he had bought for me. He even took my cigarettes one night because "he was out of money and couldn't felt bad he couldn't by her any" And did I have any money to replace them? No, of course not. I haven't been able to find a job yet and he KNOWS I'm trying to conserve my resources until I do, and he just comes in and takes what he wants. He's got this attitude of "I spend MY money on it so I can do whatever I want with it and you have no right to tell me I can't" I'm just waiting for him to start going through my jewelry drawer and stealing things for her. It's ridiculous and it makes me want to vomit. The other day he even pulled me away from my housework (I'm rearranging the kitchen to help keep my head level and occupied) and he pulls me away to help me find something that he claims his friend wants to buy. He sucks and finding things, so I said sure. It was an old Sega CD, but we couldn't find the cords for it. When I couldn't find them right quick, he started freaking out and getting mad at me, getting really frantic. Suddenly it clicked in my head. He was trying to sell this to someone so he'd have money for her, because he, so responsibly, spent almost his whole paycheck on her already. Now I wouldn't care if we weren't in a situation right now where we're tight on money and I pretty much rely on him financially for anything I need because I haven't been able to find a damn job yet. Before this he'd been telling me how he wants to buy me some new clothes before I go on any interviews so I have a better chance of getting hired. Another thing is, we are nerds, and we were looking for ward to Halo: Reach. (go ahead, roll your eyes, lol) We even bought the console. We planned to play it together. It was the one huge thing we've been looking forward to all year. Now, he can't even be civil enough for us to be decent enough friends to do that.

It hurts. It hurts really bad. It's not just this "kick em when they're down" type behavior. It's "kick them, spit on them, and shover dirt in their face, and piss on them for good measure." I don't know what I did to make him want to do this to me. I with he could just go off on his own and date her and do what he wanted without having to shove my face in it all the time, but apparently he can't. He's always trying to show me how happy he is and how much fun he's having. In fact, the other day he got mad at me and even says "You don't care about me. You won't even ask me if I had a fun time or what I did." ....what? How can he put me though so much shit, treat me like dirt, then act like HE'S the one being mistreated. He'll even tell me I'm mean and inconsiderate. *I'M* mean and inconsiderate. It's such a joke.

And worst thing though, the WORST thing, is he keeps comparing me to her. Constantly. How low can one person sink, honestly? And be so oblivious to it? Well, either he's oblivious or he's doing it all on purpose. He tells me that shes so motivated, that shes going to get a job at BOEING. OMG, BOEING?!?! See, I donno if hes lying and things I'm stupid, or she's lying and he'd dumb enough to believe her, but let me just say that the ENTIRE side of my dads family has worked for Boeing at some point in their lives and they DO NOT hire 19 year old kids right out of high school!!! They won't even hire a 30 year old experienced worker who just walked in for a job, because they don't hire new workers. They hire back the ones they laid off.

Now, just today, he started going off on me because he wanted to bring her over and I told him straight out how messed up that was. Now he?s threatening to keep me out of the house. He says I?m a freak, I?m weird, I don?t pitch in, I?m lazy, I don?t make money. He brings up my parents and how I was raised and how he thinks I?m mentally ill like my mother (who is actually mentally ill) and, for whatever reason, that all makes her so much better than me. He attacks me in the most hurtful of ways, prodding at open sores with a red hot poker. Not that he hasn?t said things like that before, but it ten times worse this time because he?s comparing me to someone who he has no connection with. Telling me how I?m being so horrible because I wont let him bring his new girlfriend over and how I?m so disrespectful because I?m gonna make him move out because the only way he can have her over. He?s screaming and throwing tantrums ever five minutes like a child who wants everything and wants everyone to let them have anything. What is this hypocrisy? Why do I have to be subjected to this? Why do I have to put up with this crap? I really wish I had somewhere to go, but I don?t. That?s another messed up part of this. Just this year, my sister and I and my cousin and I had falling outs and I haven?t talked to either of them in months. They were the closest people to me and I don?t even have them to talk to about this anymore. Plus, I was recently diagnosed with a gastro-intestinal disorder and I?ve been very sick and unable to eat much. And stress is something the doctor told me I need to avoid in order to get better. I have had the worst year already before this, and he told me he would help me and take care of me and help me get through the things that were going on in my life right now? but now it?s like he?s just changed his mind. He?s taken it all back. It?s not fair. I don?t deserve this. I?ve never felt so alone.

To put it lightly, this is devistating. I really thought he was gonna be the one in the long run, but I don't think that's gonna happen anymore. I can?t marry a man who makes me feel like this. I can?t have children with a man who treats me like this. How will he treat them? I truly, honestly thought he was smarter than this. I thought he was different than other guys, but I guess I was wrong. I just can't stand the feeling of having everything I care about ripped away from me like this with no warning and not just that, that it?s being done to me with such hate and vileness. I don't know how to handle it. My heart is broken and I feel like I'm dying. I don't want to feel this way. I wish I could just be mad and get over him without all this pain, but I feel so betrayed. It's different than like being cheated on or having a friend screw you over some how, its both, all wrapped up in one nasty package I wish I could just flush down the toilet of my life.

Please, if anyone can help me. I don?t know what to do. This pain is so overwhelming. I feel so betrayed. I mean, this is someone I still really care about. Someone I felt secure with, even if we weren't together. Someone I thought I would always have a mutual caring relationship with. Now it feels like all that is gone forever, with no reason, no warning. I need help or support or something or I?m just gonna hit rock bottom and I don?t wanna know where that path will lead me. Please, if anyone has any advice for me, I really need it and I would really appreciate it. Somehow, I want to make it out of this in one piece.
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Old September 13th, 2010, 12:24 PM   #2
Wolf_angel
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You can love someone til the day you die, however if they become toxic towards you then tis time to cut the strings. Kick his butt out. No one deserves this crap whatsoever. I ought to know. After the last few years of he** from my husband and etc you would understand that I do know this. So if you can with the others in the household back you up on it, kick his butt to the curb. Hope this helps.
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Old September 15th, 2010, 01:13 AM   #3
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Wow ok where to start.Honestly I stopped reading after a certain point to gather my thoughts and then start again just to understand to myself first and foremost why are you even still living with this guy.First thing is I can see you love him dearly,thats understandable you gave him part of your life and time in the past,as boyfriend and girlfriend as well as friends,but hunnie the truth straight on the table is hes your ex..that term does go along way.And another thing you keep saying you dont mind him dating other people,the more you say that the more it makes me or would give other people the impression that you do not want him dating other people.and thats fine,just be true to your heart and yourself.I think instead of focusing so much on what hes doing you should be out there making and doing your life,who knows if mr right is out there for you while your whining(excuse my expression) about your ex and his new girlfriend.forget what hes doing,yes you ca care about him and worry what hes doing,thats fine but hes a big boy he can handle his own and if it doesnt work out with the other girl he has to learn that on his own,all you can do is support him weither you think the girl is worth it or not..trust me ive had alot of guy friends that have been with not so good girls but i give them my advice and tell them that at the end of the day i support and love them and want to see them happy.if hes happy with this girl let it be,and like i said do you.now as far as the disrespecting part how do you feel disrespected,it sounds to me like you guys had an agreement to date other people,you have before so whats different from when he does it.ill tell you why because you want him back,or you dont wnt him to be with any one else.(sorry to be brutal but someone has too say it how it is)you need to learn how to be a strong woman.you stated that you dont know if there is a future with this guy,are you serious?you need a man who will be there for you and want to be with you not wait till its convienent to him,never be someones option,you should be someones priority..value yourself .you can live with him only if you can be strong about it and do you in the matter of concentrate on what makes you happy..ovbiously its not him.hes happy doing what he wants so go out have fun,work on a career,be driven for life.and if not move out,straight up..cause it sounds like your only hurting yourself in the end.hope could help.
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Old December 25th, 2010, 04:17 AM   #4
PrincessZooba
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thank you gorgeousYvette! i love the "never be someones option, you should be their priority"! this is great advice! <3
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Old December 26th, 2010, 02:57 PM   #5
Jennifer23
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So true. My boyfriend is my priority, and I'm his. That's what relationships are all about.
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Old February 14th, 2011, 08:49 PM   #6
moniker
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I'm going to have to approach this in segments.

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Originally Posted by BlueSerenity View Post
I still live with my ex-boyfriend.
Hear that? That's the sound of the WRONG DECISION buzzer! lol Living with an ex is never, ever a good idea, even if you promise yourself you'll just be friends. It doesn't work like that. The fact that you actually celebrated a "four year anniversary" even though you were broken up shows that neither of you has actually moved on.

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One day, about five days ago, he leaves at 11 at night and doesn't come back until 7 in the morning to go hang out with this girl he had met two days before. Now, I know it shouldn't be my business. ... He just doesn?t get why there?s something wrong with it.
No, he is 24 and isn't obligated to you in any way, shape or form. That's not him sounding like a 5 year-old kid, that's him trying to explain to you that he is not obligated to you. The fact that you think there's something wrong with him doing something that he wants to do means that you're the one that doesn't get it. As you said, it's not any of your business.

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He started acting strange, extremely distant. And when he did talk to me, there is this animosity, and contempt, that wasn?t there before. He is incredibly self-righteous and self-consumed over this. It?s not like a relationship, its like a bizarre obsession/infatuation he?s thrown himself in because he?s not happy and doesn?t know what else to do. For whatever reason, he can?t treat me like a human being anymore. It's like he doesn't even want to be civil anymore. It's like he's doing things specifically to hurt me and I don't know why. It?s got this attitude, like he?s Caesar and I?m just a petty slave to be used and looked down on.
You know why? Because you're the ex-girlfriend, that's why. This is why it's a bad idea to continue living together after you've broken up, even though you feel there's no logical reason not to. You are looked at with contempt because it's hard to relax and actually have a romantic, sexual relationship with your ex still floating around. Imagine how awkward it is to bring someone home. "Yeah, honey, this is my roommate...she's my ex-girlfriend but I promise nothing romantic lingers." Seriously, it's like a trainwreck waiting to happen. If I started dating a guy who lived with his ex, I would think, "Oh shit, he's not over his ex. ABANDON SHIP!"

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He is NEVER willing to drive that far.
People change.

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I've been wanting him to date because we were both our first serious relationship and we both needed that experience if we wanted to possibly get back together someday, but what he's doing is seriously causing me to have some serious doubts for any hope of a future with him.
See what I mean? A train wreck waiting to happen. Look, first serious relationships end one of two ways: in marriage or in a break-up. It is not the normal course of a relationship to break up, date around, then get back together. That's not how it works and most people who get back together end up breaking up again, sometimes multiple times. There is a reason you broke up, and that reason will always be there, no matter how long you wait.

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He has a serious anger problem. He's already been verbally abusive to me. Broken my things. Flirted with other women behind my back. That's why we're not together anymore, because no matter how much he claimed to love me, he couldn't stop hurting me.
So why exactly are you hoping to get back together with him?

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In the end, he always makes sure I know how much he cares about me deep down.
All abusers say and do the exact same thing.

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Ever since he's started seeing her, he has completely stopped talking to me - unless of course he wants to talk about HER or ask me to do something for me (jerk still expects me to find his socks?) He wont look me in the eye unless he?s screaming at me telling me how he doesn?t want me anymore because I?m a freak and I?m lazy. And everything we planned to do has apparently, and suddenly, gone out the window.
He is a jerk.
Why the hell are you still hoping to get back together with him? Why the hell are you still living with him?

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And why I try to tell him that, he freaks out and starts yelling ?What have I done to you?! What have I done to you?! I haven?t done anything to you, you?re just mad that I?m happy and you?re miserable because you can?t get over me.? Wow. The arrogance makes me want to laugh out loud, because the fact of the matter is, we broke up because HE treated ME bad.
And yet you're still hoping to get back together, referring to it as having a "future" with him. Through your own admittance of your feelings, it really seems like there's truth to his words.


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The worst part is, he won't leave me alone. It's like he's doing all this specifically to hurt me.
Uh, of course he's going to behave this way. In this post you've said he:
-is childish
-has anger issues
-emotionally abuses you
-still lives with you

All of those things point to him being a big, fat jerk to you...and you sitting around and taking it, hoping that you'll still have a future with him.

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but the way he's been acting is unbelievable and absolutely disgusting.
From what you've told us that you know about his behavior, this seems to be absolutely predictable. It's funny, you say his new girl has put herself in the awkward situation she's in, yet it seems like that's what you've done: you're living with someone who takes pleasure in abusing you and yet you stay around hoping to get back together with this asshole.

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Even worse, he keeps coming into my bedroom and finding things he wants to bring to her!!! MY THINGS!!! I'm not even kidding.
This is completely unacceptable and let him know you want all your stuff back by a certain date or you will report him to the police for theft.
And if he doesn't return it, report him to the police for fucking theft!

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Now I wouldn't care if we weren't in a situation right now where we're tight on money and I pretty much rely on him financially for anything I need because I haven't been able to find a damn job yet.
This is also unacceptable. What about food stamps, welfare or unemployment? Living with family or other friends? Clearly he's holding this over your head and you're clearly letting him get away with it.

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It hurts. It hurts really bad. It's not just this "kick em when they're down" type behavior. It's "kick them, spit on them, and shover dirt in their face, and piss on them for good measure."
You know he's an asshole. You know he's an abuser, a user, an angry tyrant.
And you have chosen to continue living with him, to wait around for your future together.
Can you really say you're surprised?

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I don't know what I did to make him want to do this to me.
Yes you do! You've said it, I've repeated it. He. Is. A. Jerk!

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He's always trying to show me how happy he is and how much fun he's having. In fact, the other day he got mad at me and even says "You don't care about me. You won't even ask me if I had a fun time or what I did." ....what? How can he put me though so much shit, treat me like dirt, then act like HE'S the one being mistreated. He'll even tell me I'm mean and inconsiderate. *I'M* mean and inconsiderate. It's such a joke.
It's because you still give a shit and he knows it. Once you stop caring and really stop caring, he's going to start ignoring you...which is apparently what you do and also what you don't want.

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And worst thing though, the WORST thing, is he keeps comparing me to her. Constantly.
SO WHAT?! Who fucking cares what this asshole has to say? Why are you still giving him so much power over you? He's not doing this to you, you are LETTING him do this to you!

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Now, just today, he started going off on me because he wanted to bring her over and I told him straight out how messed up that was.
It's messed up that he wants to bring his girlfriend to his place of residence? I thought you didn't care if he dated?

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He attacks me in the most hurtful of ways, prodding at open sores with a red hot poker.
They are only open sores because you have not taken the time to actually heal them. You are also the one who has given him the red hot poker.

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Telling me how I?m being so horrible because I wont let him bring his new girlfriend over and how I?m so disrespectful because I?m gonna make him move out because the only way he can have her over.
Honestly, I don't see why he's even asking for your permission. You don't own the house, he should just bring her over. Can you explain a rational reason why he shouldn't be allowed to bring over his girlfriend?

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What is this hypocrisy? Why do I have to be subjected to this? Why do I have to put up with this crap?
You're being a hypocrite, saying you don't care if he dates and then getting pissed off when he tries to bring over his girlfriend.
You are subjecting yourself to this by living with a guy you call a jerk, say throws temper tantrums, and say has anger issues.
You have to put up with this crap because you have chosen to continue living with a man who has anger management problems.

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Plus, I was recently diagnosed with a gastro-intestinal disorder and I?ve been very sick and unable to eat much.
I can recommend some cheap, over-the-counter digestive enzymes, but chances are your indigestion is due to stress.

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I don?t deserve this.
I hate to sound like a jerk, but from your very own admission, you have literally put yourself in this predicament. And what's worse is you think you're going to have some kind of romantic future with this guy. How can you blame him? You know he's an asshole.

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I really thought he was gonna be the one in the long run, but I don't think that's gonna happen anymore. I can?t marry a man who makes me feel like this. I can?t have children with a man who treats me like this. How will he treat them? I truly, honestly thought he was smarter than this. I thought he was different than other guys, but I guess I was wrong. I just can't stand the feeling of having everything I care about ripped away from me like this with no warning and not just that, that it?s being done to me with such hate and vileness. I don't know how to handle it.
Your heart's not broken, you're not dying. You're LIBERATED. You don't have to be attached to a man who treats you like a fucking dog...this is a GOOD thing!

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I mean, this is someone I still really care about. Someone I felt secure with, even if we weren't together.
You felt secure with someone who was emotionally abusing you and who broke things out of anger?

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I need help or support or something
The best support I can give you is to read everything you've written and to ask yourself what on earth you're thinking, lamenting over a guy who has treated you like shit and continues to treat you like shit. You can sit there and say I don't understand, I don't know him like you do, but there is no amount of good times that can make up for this kind of behavior. If he did something like that JUST ONCE to me, I would have kicked his ass to the curb. His behavior is unacceptable. You need to realize you aren't shit, so you shouldn't put up with being treated like shit.
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Old February 15th, 2011, 06:06 AM   #7
JANE20/20
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Posts: 67
Hi Blue Serenity....I hope your doing fine.....I read your post and....I heard you say that the 2 of you have broken up...and that you were friends before and are still trying to remain friends....and that he knows all of yor darkest secrets about your parents and upbringing...and that the two of you are now dating other people....I heard you...and I also heard you say that your living with him and several others...your financially dependant on him...and he has said and done things that hurt you....what i am going to suggest is, that you think about what you want in ife aside from a relationship...do you have your high school diploma...or GED?...if not..get it...if you do...what do you want to do with your life?...go to a community college near you and talk with a counselor and see what they have to offer get a pell grant...and enroll in school...

Education is so important for young women today...and it's important to get it before the babies start coming and before a husband...it will do alot for your self esteem....and you will have more control over you life....you also need to get a job...flip some burgers...wait some tables...do what you have to do legally...but get a job....stop being dependant on him....or anyone else...you have to feed,clothe and get transportation for yourself.....pay your own way....and then he can't mistreat you because you won't be dependant on him for anything........

Forget about him romantically...pay close attention...he is showing you who he is....accept that for what it is and what it isn't and move on with your life...it's not the end..it's just the beginning...you don't need him or any other man who does not love and respect you....but first you have to learn how to love and respect yourself....and after you learn how to do that...then you won't allow him or anyone else to mistreat you...or take advantage of you because you won't put yourself in that position....

It's a waste of energy to worry about him or anything else that you can't control.....you need to put that energy into you dreams, aspirations and education...and put romance on the back burner for now.....and focus on finding a job...getting your own car...and education...and maybe a studio apartment down the line.....put energy into you...fix you hair, paint your nails....wear something that looks good on you for you....a nice pair of jeans and you favorite top....exercise, eat right...etc....and I must add who ever the new guy is that you will meet eventually.....make sure that he wears a comdom... always!...protecting yourself from STI's is a large part of loving and taking care of yourself........it's the mother in me that is giving you this advice.....feel free to drop me a line anytime....Take Care!......
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 01:15 AM   #8
Felicity
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4
To BlueSerenity

Sounds like it's time you close the door on this chapter of your life. There's nothing to save there. ... time to move on. Forget all your hurt. Dwelling on it will make you physically ill. Bad relationships cause depression. Unfortunately, too many woman stay in these relationships and live with their depression and never go in search of a better life. They don't know any better. Listen and go. Start fresh.
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