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Old November 20th, 2011, 09:30 AM   #1
LittleOrange
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Manipulative relationship?

Hi, everyone! I have been in a relationship which ended about 2 years ago, but I still haven't got all things straight. I would like to make things clear so I can definately move on and be more careful in next relationship. So, that relationship wasen't just good or bad, it was something in between, it had bad and good moment, it lasted 2 years. I am very confused about it because my boyfriend seemed like a very good, supportive and devoted person, we had great communication, we could to each other all day and woulden't get bored. But, on the other hand he was very clingy. He couldn'e give any space ot time on my own. The only time I had for myself is when I was at college or working. The moment I wasn't there anymorer I had to meet him, or if I couldn't we had to talk pracically all day on msn. I couldn't even learn or read a book without talking to him on msn (he wanted me so). He would never let me go out with girlfriends by myself (on a coffee yes but not in a club), he intrusively always wanted to go with us. When we were outside dancing he would always try to prevent me from having fun, he would say that his stomach hurts, or he would take me away from my friend and starte talking to me about deep things, although I just wanted to have fun. He would also do some nice things to me so I always felt guilty and bitchy if I refuse any of his demands. He was very jealous, I couldn't even talk to other guys. Also, in an argument, he would always make me feel like my opinions are wrong, I sometimes was afraid to confront him, he would even ask me things like "what's my favourite music" and when I answered he said I should have strong arguments for it, I mean why do I have to have arguments for my music taste?? I also cought him lying a couple of times, when we started dating he told me about his ex girlfriend, but later when I asked him about it has said he had no girlfriend before me I even denied he said it. The same scenario happend a couple of times. Please, tell me, was this a manipulative relationship or what was it? It was my first relationship so I'm realy confused. Thanks!
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Old November 20th, 2011, 10:15 AM   #2
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Okay, now that I have read what I've wrote, I see I have a lot of gramatic mistakes, I'm sorry, I was writing it in a hury.
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Old November 20th, 2011, 10:37 AM   #3
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And I have to share with you this, because it's horrible and hilarious at the same time. He had a friend X who was very good looking and charming, so he asked me what I thought of him, and I told him that. He got really jealous, although I never cheated on him. One summer he told me that X told him I was chatting with him over the net and I didn't, after I denied it, he said X told him some intimate stuff about him that he couldn't possibly knew unless I told him. I denied again. Then he said X showed him our online "conversation". I was shocked but I denied again because it didn't happend. So, after almost the whole summer molesting me, he said that probably X invented the story because he is bisexual and wants to keep us apart, so he could be with HIM. I believed him (naive me), and even discussed with him the opportunities how would X know all that things about him (maybe someone else told him....). A year after that, I mentioned that situation to him, like "remember when that happend" and he sad "NO". I said "but you told me that, don't you remember". He said, "no, I never told you that! " Can you believe that? I can't believe there are people who would make up such a sick story just for cheking on their girlfriends. Unbelievable!
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Old November 22nd, 2011, 04:57 PM   #4
Jennifer23
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Orange, I think you should move on. You have to find a boyfriend that doesn't feel the need to control you.
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Old November 22nd, 2011, 06:43 PM   #5
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Little Orange, I know it's hard to move on from an abusive relationship. Yes that was abusive. Controlling both mentally & physically ( not allowing you to be with your friends, accusing you of things you know you didn't do ). You certainly are well rid of him. .. Take time to work on your well being. Work on your self worth. This character worked on breaking your defenses down, you need to work on rebuilding them.
Try a writing exercise.. for everything negative he said to you find a positive to counteract that. Bet you will find the positives will out way the negatives.. be true to yourself. ... After that really do something to boost your self worth up.

Good luck. It will take time to trust again. It will happen. Build up your confidence after that you can move on. Please don't go back to that manic relationship. You deserve so much better. Good luck.
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Old November 23rd, 2011, 09:51 AM   #6
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Do as IRISH said for tis what I am doing is rebuilding up myself. In my beliefs, what makes me happy and what I want out of my life for myself. So that was a bad relationship so now heal yourself become stronger and move on. Hugs
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Old November 24th, 2011, 04:41 PM   #7
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Thank you all for your answers! I'm still trying to sort out all the things, and differentiate his truth from his lying, but it takes time....but its better now...i'm not blinded anymore...
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Old November 24th, 2011, 06:17 PM   #8
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Good for you!
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Old November 25th, 2011, 08:37 AM   #9
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Great! hugs
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Old December 21st, 2011, 02:41 AM   #10
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Get a closure and you should be fine. Almost all the relations that are broken are sometime left undiscussed. Once and for all talk to him, put everything in open without a fear of what he will think about you.
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Old December 24th, 2011, 07:43 AM   #11
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I agree with confusedforever. Also set up your boundaries or limitations with him. This way you are letting him know what isnt allowed or acceptable anymore. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs
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Old December 26th, 2011, 06:02 AM   #12
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Thank you, girls, for your advices!

P.s. Happy Holidays to everyone!
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Old December 26th, 2011, 10:09 AM   #13
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You are welcomed! Merry Belated Christmas and Happy Boxing day for the Canadians!
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Old December 27th, 2011, 06:31 PM   #14
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Hi Orange. It's so true. Don't be blinded by anyone. I was alone for 3 years before I met my spouse. I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to pay any attention to abusive people. I'm glad I met my spouse. We have never hurt each other. It's important to work things out. We are on our fifth anniversary. I'm happy. I have never thought about leaving her again. Oh I even had to put out an order of protection on my ex for stalking me online. That worked out fine. Again she thought she could mentally manipulate me once again. And the thing is I hadn't seen her since 2002. April to be exact. So when people try by any way to hurt you you take them to court. Period. Defend yourself. I did. She never went to court when she had to and there is a warrant out for her arrest as I write this. I didn't do anything wrong, but protect myself. You should too. Have a nice New Year. :-)
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Old January 2nd, 2012, 06:56 AM   #15
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You are right about it. I never defended myself, but now I will. No more abusive people in my surroundings

Happy New Year everyone!
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