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Old September 23rd, 2012, 05:39 PM   #1
rubyrage21
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he left me shortly after he was released from prison

My boyfriend ( now ex-boyfriend)and I have been together for a year and 5 months. He just got out of prison in february from doing 10 years for armed robbery and i stood by him for a year and a half. Everything was great up until about 3 weeks ago when his attitude changed towards me. We got into an argument at the movie theatre because i needed totalk to him about something and he responded by saying "there is nothing to talk about" and it made me angry because everytime i want to tell him about something that bothers me, that is his response. From there, everything went down hill. His calls and texts stopped coming as much. The sweet language almost completely stopped, and he stopped making time to spend with me. His tone and language in how he talks to me got very disrespectful to the point that it wold manifest in front of his friends and he would get irritated everytime i would call and try and talk to him. I could ask him "do you miss me"? and he would blow up and get angry and respond by yelling " why you ask a stupid *** question!? I couldnt believe it. I told him not to ever talk to me like that I asked him if he wanted me to stop calling and leave him alone and he told me to shut up and if i ever said anything like that again, to dead my self and move on with life because the realtionship will be over with. Those words hurt like hell and the convo ended with him hanging up on me. The following day he ignored all my calls and texts and for the next 4 days after that I didnt hear from him. the fifth day i couldnt take it anymore so i went over to his house and he was just purely cold. Everytime i tried to touch him, he would tell me to get off of him, he didnt want me to touch him, kiss him, nothing, he even told me to fix my dress when i sat down because he didnt want to see that! All of this was shocking and hurtful. He told me that he wasnt going to call me and that he is acting like this because he doesnt want to talk to me and needs time away from me because he said that i ask him too many questions and argue with him to much. I asked him how he felt about me and he said " I care about you" I asked him if he loved me and he said " im not gonna answer that" I say why and he said "because I dont have to" All of these occurrences were like bullets to the chest. In the end, he said "lets just be friends" i asked him if he doesnt want to be with me and he said no. he said i deserve better and he has some f'd up ways and he doesnt want to end u hurting me.....

I just dont understand how his feelings could go from loving me to death to hating me in just 3 weeks. If i didnt go over there, he would still be ignoring and not calling me. He couldnt even confront me about all this, i had to make him and the fact that he didnt want me touching him like i was poison really hurt and confused me. Please HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND MAKE PEACE WTH THIS, PLEASE! I was the only one there for him. Making sure he was comfortable with letters, money, food, and conversation.

Being away from me and not hearing from me doesnt seem to bother him at all! Ever since the day he told me wanted to be friends, i haven't heard from him and its been 2 weeks already. How could you just go from talking to someone everyday and professing your love for them to complete distance.
After the break-up he told a friend of his that we were ok and he just needed his space because he felt like he was still locked up. He said I was still his lady and he still loved me and wanted to marry me. On the other hand, he told his sister that he just wants us to be friends until he gets himself together, and then he told another friend that he just wants to be friends because I am acting childish. Isnt this confusing, please HELP! Did i do something wrong. He hasnt said hello, or even checked on me these last few weeks but he is flirting with other girls now that its over.

4 weeks later:

I left him alone again up until yesterday when i spoke to a friend of mine and she insisted that I follow my heart and call him. I called and he sent my call to voicemail. I was so hurt because even after 4 weeks he still would not talk to me. It ate me up so bad that the next day i called again, private because i felt that if he heard my voice maybe it would be different. He answered and asked who it was, once he heard it was me, he hung up again. I am tying everything to get myself through this situation but i feel like i am going in circles. I wrote a heartfelt text to his sister asking her to give me advice as if i was her sister or daughter and she completely ignored me which made me feel worse. He obviously hates me by the way he is acting and I just dont understand why his sister would treat me like that especially when we used to be so close. I looked at her as my own sister, even helped he find a job when she got laid off and she just ignored me when i just asked her for advise.

A former inmate of his that was locked up with him heard about what he had did to me and called to talk to me. He told me that i am a beautiful, educated woman and can have any man I want. He said that my ex is stupid because anyone in their right mind wouldn't let someone like me go or do wrong to the one and only person that was there at the lowest point of his life when no one else was. He says that he speaks to him all the time and he asked him about why he didn't want to be with me and said that he couldn't even give a reason. He said that my ex is having a hard time adjusting and wants the finer things too fast and he is moving to fast and sounds like he is loosing his mind. He told me that I am a good girl and I don't deserve that treatment and to not chase the rabbit.

I'm not going to keep going about what he said but it made me feel batter but now i'm sad all over again because i really think he hates me. Why else would someone act like that? being with him while he was locked up wasnt easy at all and was very stressful at times but i never gave up on him. Now that he got out, it was so easy for him to let me go and give up on us just because of arguments and me asking him questions. I just hate it because it hurts SOOOOO much b/c he doesnt want anything to do with me and I still dont know what i did that was wrong. I am tired of making a fool of myself and i dont know what to do. Why is this soo hard?

I still love him and it will not go away! Till this day i wonder if he still loves me, or if he ever did love me.

2 months later...

I was doing pretty well, taking the advise from family and friends and taking it day by day, each day getting a little less painful up until yesterday when i heard from his cousin. She told me that she asked him about me but she said that she would let him tell me. I asked her why she couldnt and she said felt it wasnt her place to tell me what the news was. At this point my stomach was in knots because i wanted to know what it was. So i asked her to please tell me and asked her if he was still in love with his ex or something. he response was that she really didnt know about that but she said that him and I are done but with no explanation on why, she said every time she asks him about me its like world war 3 and whatever it is, left a bad taste in his mouth and he acts like its nothing. She said that if she said my name, he would respond by saying "who? dont ever say that name in my presence" she said he got real hostile. He has my name tattooed on his ring finger and she said that he was trying to get it covered up but doesnt know what to put there yet.

I know you would say why do i care but in all honesty, hearing that really hurts me because he despises me, hates me and cant stand me from those statements and i did NOTHING to him. The fact that even with his own cousin, he did not have an explanation of why he broke up with me in the first place is another thing that keeps eating at me and i feel that she hasnt told me everything for whatever reason. Its like i'm back at ground zero again. The only thing i can think of that was done to make him upset was when my mother fussed him out when and made him feel low for all the pain she watched me go through because of him. He had us all deceived and had no remorse for anything that he did, said and lied about. But even that doesnt add up to the resentment he is showing towards me.

I really don't know what to do anymore, why does he hate me, am i missing something??

UPDATE

These last 4 months have been pure hell and torture!!! I went through a serious depression where i lost my desire to do anything that i once liked to do, and even live life. The pain was soooo unbearable i thought that it would never get better. When i did finally get the strength to come out of my house, i would always see him. It looks as though he is prospering and is very happy that I am not in his life. He has a new car and just basically hangs out alot living life. People whom we both went to school with didnt know what happened between us so since he was the one out and about, they asked him. When they ask him what happened, his response is " She is crazy! she wanted things too fast instead of taking things slow" They said that he would have this look on his face whenever my name was mentioned that would make them very uncomfortable and they feel that something is not right about him and that he is a sociopath. A few sought me out to tell me this because they wanted to make sure that i was okay and found out what had happened between us from one of my closest friends.

I am sharing this because it really hurt me to hear that he would tell people that I am crazy. I know that the people who know me and or know the situation don't believe it but it concerns me about those who don't know me and are hearing these things because they all knew that we were together. I don't understand how he could do this to me :'( I never did anything to hurt him, i was there for him, loved him and stood by him for 2 years while he was away and even though he brutally broke my heart, he didn't even have the decency to give me any respect during and after the break up. He was the one who wanted a relationship, introduced me to his family as his "wife" talked about a wedding, started discussing an engagement ring with my family and his and even went to the extreme and tattooed my name across his ring finger, and i'm moving to fast? It really hurts because while he was in there he had me telling people we were already married, now that he is out he says that we weren't and it makes me look like i made it all up! He talks about me as though i never meant anything to him and it kills me because I loved him and did everything i could for him. He even told someone that he felt that he could do better than me as though i wasn't good enough. I just don't know what else to do and just need some advice. How could he say those things about me?

Please forgive me if my posting make be a bit scrambled, i was just trying to get everything out. Thank you sooo much in advance for your replies.
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Old September 24th, 2012, 07:07 PM   #2
Synful_Poet
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Well Ruby, it sounds to me like your ex has some serious issues and, I think, a bright girl like you would be much better off without him. You're too young to have to deal with so much drama. It's time to cut your losses and move on. I know it's difficult when you love someone to just say "that's it I'm done", but I think that is exactly what you need to do in this case. You deserve so much better than what he has to offer.
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Old October 1st, 2012, 08:23 AM   #3
rubyrage21
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Thank you for your response. I really needed to hear that and am still on my road to recovery. I can't wait for the day that this is all behind me.
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Old October 3rd, 2012, 09:16 AM   #4
PriscillaMS
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Ruby, I really hope you putting your feelings on paper and into your post helped to some small dergree. I totally agree with the advice Synful Poet offered. I couldn't say it better. Seems to me you have so much to offer. It may be harsh now but you will be better off finding someone more respectful and loving. This I am sure of.
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Old October 8th, 2012, 01:33 AM   #5
rubyrage21
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Thank you so much!! I am still battling the pain and continue to pray for deliverance from this situation.
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