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Old March 17th, 2004, 08:02 AM   #46
kathe nichols
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I think, late last night while I was not sleeping, I figured out what's bothering me about the poem. It's the first section. It isn't powerful enough - doesn't convey the effort, strain and sheer <i>desperation</i> required to break free of gravity.

Meanwhile, here's my answer to Lou's challenge last year, to write a poem about my state (Arizona, but really only my particular high-altitude plateau...)

<u>Look Fiercely</u>

This land never wears green,
on Saint Patrick's or any other day.
She refuses to dress up,
to invite the eye.
To know her, she demands
you learn to look.

Look high, look wide:
at folded mountains and mobile skies;
at light and colors that change all day;
at a hunting hawk spiralling into the sun.

Look low, look small:
at pinhead flowers hiding behind thorny stems;
at the uniqueness of each pebble;
at aninmal tracks unsmudged by rain.

Look fiercely, and you will earn
a love as fierce in return.
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Old March 17th, 2004, 03:27 PM   #47
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I see what you mean about the first part. And I do agree with your "attractive" reference. I will think about all the "space and rocket" words that I have used myself in poetry to portray what you are feeling. Spend 42 years of your life watching the space program grow and develop does tend to affect your use of metaphor!
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Old March 18th, 2004, 10:06 AM   #48
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Tell me about it. I have been involved with aviation or space almost my entire adult life!
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Old March 18th, 2004, 02:57 PM   #49
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I grew up in Cocoa Beach, Florida, right next to the Cape. What is your involvement with space and aviation?
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Old March 18th, 2004, 06:03 PM   #50
kathe nichols
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Software, mostly. I worked for a lot of Air Force contractors (some programs I still can't talk about...). Honeywell, made instruments for airliners and the International Space Station (back when it was still Space Station Alpha! <grin>).

Is this better??

<b>Orbiting Desire</b>

No public fanfare,
no roar of rockets.
But reason and duty fuel
the booster that strains to launch
a payload of passion
out of your attractive field.

At a safe distance,
balanced between the urge to flee
and the need to come closer,
I circle.

Waiting for the small impulse -
the word, glance, touch -
that will start my dizzying
slide back into the well.
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Old March 19th, 2004, 01:52 PM   #51
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I like your changes, they increase the sense of emotion and urgency.

How about "orbit" instead of "circle"? It would refer to the title and continue the space metaphor.

I haven't written anything for so long. I ought to just post my last attempt. I've never shared my poetry before. I know, what good does it do to create if you don't share!!?
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Old October 31st, 2004, 01:39 AM   #52
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FIRST LOVE

I reached out a touch
To caress a quivering breast
Eyes drop in secret desire
Blush of the forbidden upon a cheek


Stroking a silky cap of hair
I capture her gaze
Smiling encouragement
To see a shyness play her lips


Gently enfolded
Into love's embrace
I feel the shell of resistance
Melt into our desire


Age-old Sapphic dance
Recreated modern
Tango complete we lay,
Sated in each others arms
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Old October 31st, 2004, 09:09 PM   #53
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Beautiful. Your minimal use of words were obviously carefully selected. The overall effect on me was a deep sigh of love so beautifully described.
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Old August 16th, 2005, 12:12 AM   #54
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Unhappy No Escape

We had a lovely roomie named Sadielou once. She was my RL sister and she introduced me to the room exactly 6 months before her untimely death. That was 7 years ago Aug 7th. I still miss her very much yet know she is forever my Angel. I wrote this 1 yr after her death and would like to now share.


No Escape

It grabs you by the throat and compresses your chest,
your pulse pounds in your head as you struggle for breath.

It hits you cold in the middle of the day,
when all seems well, it jumps in the way.

It plagues your dreams while deep in sleep,
no tiring it knows.... all hours it keeps.

You struggle for answers.... you search for relief....
how will you escape this thing they call Grief?


-DWynn 1998-

AKA-OkieStorm
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Old August 16th, 2005, 02:00 AM   #55
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Awww. I remember Sadielou.

{{{{OkieStorm}}}}
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Old August 16th, 2005, 09:12 PM   #56
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(((((( OkieStorm )))))) just because.
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Old January 13th, 2011, 10:06 AM   #57
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I have been having a bad case of writersblock as of late. But I am on it.It can't be forced ugh.
So I'll give a poem a try. I can say this being back here is starting to help. Grrr my puters slow today. Looks at green bar and tells it to go faster.
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Old January 13th, 2011, 10:24 AM   #58
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Winter Blues

Winter is here and all the leaves are dead.
It truely fills me with dread.
The snow and the cold
make my bones fell realy old.

Winter is here and the snows on the ground.
All this white all around.
It makes me want to be a bear.
I just don't want all the hair!

Winter is here and what can you do.
Guess I'll just trun blue.
Cold and ice
is not the least bit nice.

Winter is here and my diving now sucks.
So I stay home and don't make the big bucks.
Snow and sleet at the very least.
Winter truely is a beast!!!
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Old January 25th, 2011, 11:44 PM   #59
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Dreams

I dream of the ocean
and the wind swept sky.
Of birds soaring above the waves.
Knowing it is a dream and it will begone when I awake.


I dream of flowing pastures
and meadow flowers.
Some place where the butterflies dance.
I wish I could stay but it is only for the dreaming hours.


I dream that time has no meaning
and love is always there.
That the wars are over and the fighting has stopped.
To know it is just a dream how sad I am.
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Old March 11th, 2012, 01:28 AM   #60
Elise1234
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This is just a short haiku, written from here in Cambodia:

Motorcycle hum
Running another red light
I check my helmet.
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