Women Online Worldwide  

Go Back   Women Online Worldwide > About Being a Woman > Violence Against Women

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old June 30th, 2003, 05:24 PM   #1
Jessyka
Jessica
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 10
Being raped has now affected my relationship with my husband

Before I met my husband I was dating a guy who held me unwilling in my apartment who held me at knife point and raped me ect. The thing is I don't know if I have completely gotten over it. My husband knows what happend and is very supportive. He treats me very well and has alot of respect for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him and just smallest thing he does I sometimes just blow up. If he wants to talk and I need a break and he won't leave me alone, I freak out, I start packing me things and try to leave. Telling him that he can not control me, even when he is trying not to.
Our sex life is good, although alot of times it groses me out. Sometimes I can not get enough other times I want nothing to do with it.
My husband is a very attractive guy getting alot of woman starring at him and for the most part I don't get jealous, but there is always those times. No matter how many times he tells me that it does not even phase him, I feel like sooner or later what if it does. I feel like the woman are looking at me and saying "why is he with her".
I love him very much and I know he loves me too, but I am scared I am going to eventually push him away. Everyone says I should go to counseling, but is there any other way I can forgive, forget, move on and begin to love myself trully again.
Help,
Jessyka
Jessyka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 30th, 2003, 07:10 PM   #2
Angel_Wolf
Registered User
 
Angel_Wolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 333
Question Question for you Jessyka

Did you go and get counseling for the rape? If you haven't perhaps you should. Also, maybe if your husband went with you, it would help him understand and help you. Just a thought!
__________________
~*~ May you walk in the Shadow of the Creator!~*~
Angel_Wolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old June 30th, 2003, 09:30 PM   #3
Willendorf
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Quincy, IL
Posts: 7
Hey Jessyka - I work with rape survivors every day, so what you are saying strikes a familiar chord with me. I must share with you that rape counseling is very specific, and mostly free. I would strongly recommend it. It will give you the space and non-judgmental comfort zone to explore all the mixed up feelings you are having. What you are describing is pretty common for rape survivors. Although you don't *have* to do counseling to have a perfectly normal and well adjusted life, many many survivors tell us that having safe space to say these things out loud helped them feel safe, sane, and to recapture control over their lives, their emotions, and their sexual health. Rape crisis centers are generally free or charge on a sliding scale. You can find one close to you by calling the RAINN hotline - 800-656-HOPE. Let us know that you made that call.
Willendorf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old July 3rd, 2003, 04:56 PM   #4
Jessyka
Jessica
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 10
Update- Thanks for the advice. I called that number and between them and Reparations they are helping me set up and pay for counseling. I appreciate the help.
Jessyka
Jessyka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old July 30th, 2003, 07:19 PM   #5
Sabra
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 208
I'm so very glad you're getting help Jessy, Bless you Willendorf, and where the heck have you been?
Sabra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 31st, 2005, 08:51 PM   #6
MisFitLady
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 6
Re: Being raped has now affected my relationship with my husband

Quote:
Originally posted by Jessyka
Before I met my husband I was dating a guy who held me unwilling in my apartment who held me at knife point and raped me ect. The thing is I don't know if I have completely gotten over it. My husband knows what happend and is very supportive. He treats me very well and has alot of respect for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him and just smallest thing he does I sometimes just blow up. If he wants to talk and I need a break and he won't leave me alone, I freak out, I start packing me things and try to leave. Telling him that he can not control me, even when he is trying not to.
Our sex life is good, although alot of times it groses me out. Sometimes I can not get enough other times I want nothing to do with it.
My husband is a very attractive guy getting alot of woman starring at him and for the most part I don't get jealous, but there is always those times. No matter how many times he tells me that it does not even phase him, I feel like sooner or later what if it does. I feel like the woman are looking at me and saying "why is he with her".
I love him very much and I know he loves me too, but I am scared I am going to eventually push him away. Everyone says I should go to counseling, but is there any other way I can forgive, forget, move on and begin to love myself trully again.
Help,
Jessyka
OKayyyy..
There aint a man alive that just wakes up one day and decides to rape and abuse his girlfriend. I would venture to say that your exboyfriend was abusive to you in maybe small ways before he did what he did to you.
YOu have alot to deal with emtionally.
You think that because of what happend to you that you cant let anyone close enought to help you heal. As someone said.. you should seek counsleing. Now I was raised that a woman who was married or a woman who lived with a man didnt have a right to say no, and it wasnt rape. That has been something I have dealt with in my life for a long time. I know what you mean when you say sometimes you want sex and seems like you cant get enough and other times its gross to you. I know Thats something I am still dealing with.
Because of the physical abuse and sexual abuse I have dealt with in both of my marriages and my childhood, I have done alot of what you feel ike you are doin. Pushing people away. Its natural for people to do that. I know you love your husband and I know you love yourself and your marriage, if you didnt you wouldnt be on here tryin to find someone to help.
YOu got character girl. dont lose it and dont let the past take it away from you. Grow strong from your past, live a full life, make yourself happy.
Take care of you first, because if you dont take some time to make sure your okay.. you cant ever hope to have a healthy marriage or a healthy anything. I know it seems self centered to say to someone that they should take care of themselves. but Its the truth and thats the way it works.
MisFitLady is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:17 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Copyright ?1996-2008, Women Online Worldwide