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Old March 20th, 2004, 09:56 PM   #1
Savannah
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Talking Older vs Younger men

ok, so i want to hear YOUR opinions.

i have had relationships with men that were 12 yrs either way of me and must say i find younger men a much greater pleasure to be with.

the men that were my own age or older were mentally WAY too old for me,lacking spontaneity,were so set in their ways, possessive, conservative and not with the times.

with the younger men i can run riot if i feel like it, they didn't make demands, they had a life of their own.

i can only speak for the men that i have had a relationship with of course.

and... to be perfectly honest ... younger men are physically more appealing to me as well
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Old March 20th, 2004, 09:59 PM   #2
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I like the confidence and self assurance that I see in older men, well some of them anyway. For example, I think that Tom Selleck looks way better now than he did when he was Magnum PI. I'd pick him anyday over Orlando Bloom.
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Old March 20th, 2004, 10:50 PM   #3
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I married twice both men were older than me. (one 5 years the other 17) I am now involved with a man 6 years younger than me and very happy. so, seeing I too have drank from both cups give me the younger man.
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Old March 20th, 2004, 10:54 PM   #4
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I married a man my own age and divorced him because he was too ummm...nicely put... immature. I am now dating and living with a man 16 years older than I am. He is fun... well versed, knowledgeable, loving, kind, compassionate, helpful, and much more... I pick my older man anyday.

But to be truthful, I think it depends on the guy...not the age..
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Old March 20th, 2004, 11:07 PM   #5
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Ya know PBS, you are right. I have 3 men in my life 2 are only friends. One is my age the other 2 younger and I get along with them all very well. My exhusband who was 17 years older than me at one time was like my best friend. I tell people all the time, I still love him and he is a wonderful but he's not the wonderful man for me. I only wish him well and hope he finds some one to be with that will make him happy.
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Old March 21st, 2004, 02:24 PM   #6
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I confess to liking to *look* at younger men. But in some ways, they all look alike. I like men who are old enough to have.. unique faces, if that makes any sense at all.

For actually spending time with, usually older. Maybe it's an only child thing, I grew up around mostly adults, so that's the mindset I came to expect...

The two men in my life (like crazymomma, one is "just a friend" though in some alternate reality it's different), are 2 years either side of my age. Not enough difference to really tell what's age and what's basic personality.
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Old March 21st, 2004, 06:59 PM   #7
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I am 17 days older than Gregrr and I think we are well suited for each other because of our shared history. We've known each other since 1969 and really did grow up in a very unique environment.

I've dated both older and younger men and they each have their pluses and minuses. The capacity to stay young mentally is important to me. Even young men can be too set in their ways. I've always gotten along with men (I'm the perpetual tomboy type) and I really enjoy Pirate's friends. When I was counseling kids, the boys would always open up to me even when they wouldn't open up to other women.

PBS, you are right on the mark about it depending on the personality.
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Old April 11th, 2004, 12:34 AM   #8
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Hi, I'm currently in a relationship with a man who is 14 years older than me. I'm 22 and he's turning 36 tonight. He's a family man, is now separated from his ex and two children. He's got a decent job and a beautiful home. We are indeed in love very much and is willing to do or try any possible ways to be together. My parents however disapprove such relationship due to our age difference, and they've punished be dreadfully, both physically and emotionally to keep me away from him. Yet, T. and I still are very stubborn, and we often go out of our ways to find time to be together. Even for 5 to 10 minutes or half and hour to give some warm hugs, and kisses, then we each depart, go our separate ways. It's only been 3 months since Jan. 2004 that we went out, but so much has happened. In some ways, T. left his long time girlfriend to be with me, though I didn't push him or want to be the third person in the relationship, I somehow did influence his decision indirectly and still feel so bad about it. I do love him so very much and he's very serious about me too. He's willing to give up everything to be with me, to marry me, to have a family with me. But, my mother doesn't believe such true love can happen within a short period, or that she doesn't think there is such thing that's too good to be true. It is his birthday today, but to please and not hurt my mother, I have to stay home and not able to see T. and celebrate his birthday party. I feel so lonely, so hurt, for us, for our relationship. I'm trying to please my family, my mother, and to not hurt T. but myself is in so much pain. My mother doesn't accept us being together and the only way she would, as she said: "over her dead body". Maybe I shouldm't share so much thoughts and emotions at once, but please, if there's any understanding mothers, friends or sisters out there who can help me, please advise me to find a better way to live a happy life with someone I love and to not lose the family that I've originated from. How can I solve this mess when my choices are to give T. up, OR to turn away from my parents??? Please help out this lonely inexperienced girl in love. Thank you so much.
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Old April 11th, 2004, 12:08 PM   #9
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(((Venuss))) OH young one. I must tell you at your age Mom needs to butt out. What she should do is the right thing. let you do what your heart says is right. Celebrate with and for you if all works out well. Pray for the best and worry at the same time. Then if all doesn't go well be there to help pick up the pieces. Only because you are so young. I have let my future daughter in law read your post.(she is also on the boards) She came into our lives not long ago and the joy she has brought to my son I feel that all my fears were groundless. My son told me he knew his heart and I needed to trust him. That was 2 months ago now they are getting married in August with all my love and support. My dear I hope you have found the same thing and I wish you well. Follow heart but listen to your heart. you will find the truth.
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Old April 11th, 2004, 01:22 PM   #10
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Venuss, let me tell you my story and I hope you will gain some courage from it. I also am in love with a man that is older then me. My fiancee is 7 years older then me. I am 20 and he is 27. I met him online about 3 months ago. At the time I was living with my grandmother, because my father had no room for me at his house and my mother was in Mass. We had talked over the phone with each other every day. His mother(crazymomma) had been a bit upset about our involvement, but she really could not do anything. My grandparents thought I was talking to an old friend from school. I told them that not to hide him, but to make them beleive he was from PA, where I use to live. One day I made up my mind that I wanted to truely be with him forever, and hoped a bus to NY in the middle of the night. I was nervous, but when I saw him everything I had been frighted about left. Now two months later I am engaged and loved more than I have ever been in my life. My parents are still a little distrught over my way of leaving, but they are getting use to the idea. As for my grndparents they understand why I left and are very supportive. That is my story. I know you are frightened about what they will say or do, and I can honestly tell you I have been there. But you are old enought to live your life they way you want. And if you feel in your heart that this man is for you then don't hold back. Tell your mother that if she loves you she will support you and if she doesn't then tell her she doesn't have to speak to you until she can. I did it and my mother turned her story so fast, because she didn't want to lose me. As for the physical abuse, any parent that shows there love by hurting you is not a parent you need. I was abused for 5 years of my life and am still overcoming the physical pain that my stepfather placed on me, so much that I have to take pain killers for it. You should not have to spend your life like that. Make a choice and stick to it, your parents will see that you are a grown woman and they have no say over what you do or who you see. I hope I have given you the courage that you need to overcome this hurtle in you life. Good luck and many blessings.
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Old April 11th, 2004, 06:10 PM   #11
venuss
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Thanks so much the the advices and the kind words both Crazymomma and Lilithdelmonte. I find them very comforting and supportive. Following your heart is something that's easy to do, but when there are so many obstacles that arises in the middle, it is not always so simple. I now have to struggle so much to find the courage to tell my mother, alongside with finding the time to be with T. Things are so difficult now, with my mother spying, and following me everywhere I go. Checking on where I've been, who I talk to. Even coming to see if I'm studying at the library on campus! I go for a walk and she orders my brother to walk with me, calling me every "God-dam" hour that I'm out!(Sorry for the language). I feel like a criminal, living in an invisible jail, being handcuffed to my house and not able to move freely. Sometimes, I feel like I"m living back in the old days, around the 15th century! Even a phone call, I have to sneak around, paranoid when little noises creep out afraid to be caught on the phone with T. Even criminals have more freedom than me, at least they have break times, excercise time, recreation time. They at least can make a phone call to their loved ones, can talk freely, act freely behind bars, to an extend of course, but some is better than nothing. But, for it, is absolutely nothing. The black bruises on my body is still there, the holes on my wall from the things being thrown at me is still there since last Sunday, when her and I had a major arguement and I was beaten so bad. I've just recovered from swollen feet due to having a night lamp thrown and shattered on me, unable to walk for this entire week. Then, now everytime I go out, or stay out long, my mother gets a heart attack from over stressing out with my love for T. How can I be with him when there's my mother threatening to kill him, or kill herself, and that I'm going to be in charge for her suicidal act. That night, she wanted to stab me when she quickly ran to the kitchen and brought up a kitchen knife to kill me because I refuse to listen to her. I was determined to move out and be with T. and that I truly love him. I almost got myself killed! Or else I wouldn't have this wonderful chance to sit here and talking to you fine people. Please tell me how I can deal with something so crazy like this. It's like I'm living a full nightmare, with my eyes open, and can never wake up!
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Old April 11th, 2004, 06:36 PM   #12
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I have another thought which comes to mind and would like to know if it is correct or not. I'd like to know that is it me who is doing the wrong? Am I a bad person because I'm in love with someone older than me and has kids? Is loving him make me become someone stupid or stubborn or evil? Is loving someone older a crime? Why then must all these reasons put upon me for loving T. so much? I keep on thinking but still can't find any answers. Can anyone please tell me if I'm doing the right thing???
I truly thank you very much.
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Old April 11th, 2004, 09:43 PM   #13
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Hello Venuss

First of all you aren't doing anything wrong.

I don't normally give advice and I,m not going to start now.

I will how ever say a few things then its up to you.

Your Mother only wants whats best for you.

You have only known this man a little while. I would give it alot more time man say lots of things when they are unhappy at home.

I wonder why his marriage is falling apart.

No one can tell you what to do that is a decision only you can make.

The age differance may not seem like much now but it could later on. Most men always go for someone younger.

I would hope you go very slow in this matter and weigh all the facts.

Just keep in mind one thing if he cheats on his wife he may cheat on you also when and if things don't turn out .

Have a great day
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Old April 11th, 2004, 11:41 PM   #14
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Venuus, why are you still living at home if you are being abused? You are 22, old enough to support yourself and make your own decisions. Are you in school perhaps and depending on your parents for support? If not, you need to take time to make up your mind about how you want the rest of your life to go.
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Old April 14th, 2004, 04:45 PM   #15
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What your mother is doing to you is both physical and emotional abuse. If you were underage and let someone know what was going on, you would be removed from your mother's home because you are NOT safe. As an adult, you can file assault and battery charges, if you so desire. The physical abuse you are experiencing is not acceptable and is criminal.

As for your mother threatening suicide, that is and always be her choice. It has nothing to do with you. She seems to be using guilt to control you.

I am a feisty, independent women, so take my comments in that context. Also, my husband and I are the same age and have known each other since 1969. At our 15 year high school reunion, we got together. We had not had any contact during that 15 years. Three weeks later, we decided to get married and got married 3 weeks after that. We have been together over 15 years.
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