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Old January 13th, 2005, 01:35 PM   #16
MintyFemme2
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I dunno where to start! CamAm being a parent isn't an easy job. Your step son may not say much on the phone but trust me just hearing your voice will help him. He has lost so much in his little life. Please talk to him on the phone even if it is just to say you love him.
As for the yelling kids do pick up on it and repeat what they see. You might want to suggest to your husband to get some parenting classes to help show him better ways to do things then yelling.

Your husband is at least starting to see how hard it was on you to do everything. Your husband isn't going to change over night. But if he continues to see the error of his ways maybe you can allow yourself to have hope that with outside support such as family counseling he will change.
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Old January 13th, 2005, 04:15 PM   #17
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Minty I could not agree with you more....For this little guy to be just abandoned totally now would be devastating I am sure......
CanAm...anything you can give this little guy is better than nothing at all...a phone call....a special letter once a week......anything to let him know that you have not just decided, not to be his mom anymore.......
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Old January 13th, 2005, 04:26 PM   #18
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My little guy...that is why it was hard for me to leave, but my husband and I would have awful arguments and I felt it would be better for my step son not to hear all the yelling than to have two parents. His dad really does love him so much. The two of them really are good buddies. He just has a tendancy to hollar and constantly tell me what I am doing wrong! I have tried to talk to him so many times, because he does have good qualities too. He will always be the first person to help someone in need, he always takes care of his family. He likes to be generous when he can. He always told me I could have anything I wanted. Then I would tell him that he could give me the hope diamond , but it wouldn't matter if I didn't like the way I was being treated. He now says he would like me to come back just for two months to help him get organized and get into a routine. He is feeling overwhelmed with now having to do everything alone. I don't know what to do. Some people say a clean break is best, but if I went back I could spend some time talking to my step son about what is happening. I wish my mom did not live so far away, then I could be in his life on a regular basis. My mom is in her eighties and not well. Everytime I leave her I never know if I will see her again.
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Old January 13th, 2005, 07:05 PM   #19
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perhaps if you decide to go back you could take your mom with you? Little guy would probably love having a granny
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Old January 13th, 2005, 09:48 PM   #20
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susieB here is an article in the news this week. Please remember that Florida's Governor's name is Bush.

Ban on gay adoption will stand in Florida


U.S. Supreme Court won't hear challenge

January 11, 2005





BY ANN W. O'NEILL and MAYA BELL
SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL



FT. LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- The U.S. Supreme Court refused on Monday to hear a challenge to Florida's gay adoption ban, keeping the nation's only such law on the books and encouraging conservative family groups to lobby other states to enact similar statutes.


The high court said without elaboration that it would not hear an appeal brought by four gay foster parents who claimed that Florida's law keeps thousands of orphaned and abandoned children from finding homes.


"We win some," said Gov. Jeb Bush, who says children should grow up in a traditional family headed by a father and a mother. He said the gay adoption ban was "the appropriate law."


The plaintiff foster parents, represented by the American Civil Liberties Union, expressed disappointment that the court wouldn't hear their argument that the 1977 law is discriminatory and not in the best interest of children.


"Basically what they've said is we're unfit parents because we're gay," said Roger Croteau, who with partner Steven Lofton is raising a 13-year-old boy. The family, including two other Florida foster children, now lives in Oregon.


"They just blanket-eliminated people from providing them homes and family because of hate. That's all it is -- just pure hate," Croteau said.


Gay rights activists said they were disappointed the court sidestepped the issue following last year's decision decriminalizing gay sex in private. That decision seemed to signal a growing acceptance of gay families but was criticized by conservatives.


"The Supreme Court, sadly, has allowed the lives of thousands of children adrift in Florida's scandal-ridden foster care system to be governed by the ugly prejudices of legislators," said Howard Simon, director of the ACLU of Florida. He added that the prejudice extends back to "Florida lawmakers of a generation ago."


Conservatives and religious leaders said Monday that the court's silence on gay adoption underscores the rights of states to promote traditional families.


"Common sense and human history underscore the fact that children need a mother and a father," said Mathew Staver, who heads the Orlando-based Liberty Counsel. He added that the decision "will serve to support the law's legitimate purpose of preserving the traditional model of the family."


Under the Florida statute enacted in 1977, "No person eligible to adopt under this statute may adopt if that person is a homosexual."


Now, Staver said, other states -- particularly in the South -- are ready to enact similar laws.


A national coalition of conservative and family-oriented groups will meet next week in Washington, Staver added. The topic will be laws prohibiting gay marriage, but gay adoption inevitably will come up, he said.
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Old January 14th, 2005, 01:47 PM   #21
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Umm Cod the as long as there is a Bush in office the GLBT comunnity aren't going to get anymore rights then what we have now , possibley loose rights. To be honest all a child needs is love and stability to be raised.
CamAm you have to do what is right for you. I argee going back and forth is not going to help your stepson nor your mom. Do what you feel is right in your heart.
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Old January 14th, 2005, 02:00 PM   #22
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Ok so let me get this straight - gay people can be foster parents but not adopt the kids they are raising and grow to love? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Maybe I missed it Cod, but did you answer my question - Is Florida the only state that does not allow gar parents to adopt?

Please pardon my ignorance, as I am Canadian, I wasn't sure of some of your state laws. I could be wrong, as I do not have any first hand knowledge, but I am pretty sure gay parents have been allowed to adopt here......I assumed they have been allowed for quite some time......
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Old January 14th, 2005, 07:25 PM   #23
MintyFemme2
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Susieb, yes Fl is the only State to ban Gay parents from adopting.
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Old January 14th, 2005, 08:52 PM   #24
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......and now conservative groups from other states will be encouraged to do their best to get a similar law where they live. It's incredibly infuriating and disgusting.
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Old January 15th, 2005, 05:05 PM   #25
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S I G H!!!!!!!!!! HOW SAD!!!!!!

Foster parents that are loving, caring people should be allowed to adopt.
That whole system needs revamping.
My best friend was a foster parent for lots of years. It broke her heart she would have the kids for over a year or more, only to have them returned back to the ones that did the abusing. This without so much as a " By your leave"
..
The very sad overall picture that they are missing is.. The kids have the right to be with people who will love, nurture and respect their needs.
************************************** '
What the Bush's and the other so called perfectionist don't get.. Is the fact that there are Gay couples out there that have been together for years without being abusive, without cheating on each other.. Any child would be better in that Loving,caring enviroment where there is respect of all. No one especially a child should be in the middle of abuse. It is a learned behavior. Better to learn how to accept help from counseling, or parenting classes. Better to learn how to listen, and talk things over. Better to learn how to say I'm sorry let's talk this though. Better to hug and lower the voices so you can be heard in spite of the yelling.
**************************************** The right wing needs to at least meet with the left wing in order to travel the same direction.
Why in the world would a loving "God" not want was to accept and love those who disagree with us.
If I may quote to them...
" Love one another as I have loved you.! What is Love with acceptance? What do we as parents do when our children go off in a different direction than what we would have wanted for them? We accept, we open our arms, We love unconditionally. Isn't that what " God " wants everyone to do???? That's the message I get why don't they?
That is for those who believe or say they do!!!!! My God loves Gays, lesbians, Str8.. Why doesn't everyone?????????
I GET IT WHY DON"T THEY !!!!!
Open hearts up they are missing out on an awful lot with them closed.
Ahhhhhh!!!!!! Hey (((((((( susieB )))))))))) How are you?
((((((((( cod, Minty, all )))))))))))))

***************************************
Ok ..
Can Am... the yelling needs to be addressed. It needs to be worked on. It is a control gesture. Counseling, parenting classes, any thing you can get him to agree to take in that realm would be beneficial to all. More importantly to your "son". We have to work at changing patterns. Not always easy to do, but it can be done.
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Old January 15th, 2005, 06:48 PM   #26
MintyFemme2
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(((((((((((((IRISH)))))))))) I think I wll vote for you to be the next president Irish_eyes_99 will leave not one person Gay, Straight, or Lesbian Behind! Vote Irish_eyes_99 for President 2008
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Old January 17th, 2005, 09:46 AM   #27
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{{{{Irish}}} I am well hun, so nice to see you! How are you and the family? I hope to see you in chat soon - I am trying to make it to Willow's craft chat one of these days - I need some new ideas! LOL
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Old January 17th, 2005, 09:58 AM   #28
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CanAm, we kind of got off on another topic here. Best of luck in making your decision. Wishing your mom well too.
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Old January 18th, 2005, 06:49 PM   #29
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Yes CamAm my sentiments exactly. Cod, thanks for pulling us back on track.
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Old January 18th, 2005, 07:28 PM   #30
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I know CanAm has some big decisions to make and I don't want her to think we aren't sympathetic. It sounds like she made great efforts to make things work.
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