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Old March 2nd, 2005, 01:05 AM   #1
katherine
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Unhappy Will I Ever Recover?

I know that I am fairly young, but I experienced something quite close to love. It is an extremely difficult thing for me to deal with, and I feel like I can't talk to anybody about it. I am leaving out some details, but is still a long one, so here is my story. This all started about a year ago. There was an older guy in one of my classes and he and I became really good friends over about five months. We talked on the phone, in class, between classes. He finally told me that he was "falling for me", and I sort of freaked out, but I realized that I really liked him, too. We started spending a lot of time together, but then he graduated and went to boot camp for the Marines. Before he left, he made me promise that if, when he came back, we could continue from where we left off, and of course I did. I knew that I would be more mature and ready for a relationship. The point of this story is that I waited for him and I never saw him again. On December 28, 2004 I found out that he died in a car crash that morning. I have never cried that much in my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and have a long cry. Ever since then, nothing has been the same. It is like I am numb to all feelings. It hit me so hard, and I am still suffering from that horrible sorrow. My question is will I ever recover from this? Will I ever feel again? Will I ever be able to feel about someone else the way I felt about him? I don't want to feel like this anymore, but I also don't ever want to forget him or the memories I have of him.
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Old March 2nd, 2005, 09:52 AM   #2
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katherine you will get over that extreme sorrow. I know it's hard to believe, but time does help with that. What bothers me most about your story is that you can't talk to anyone you know about this. Not sure why that is, or if you just feel no one takes you seriously.

It would help you to talk to people who have been through this type of loss. Check with a social service agency or even a local church to see if there is somewhere for you to go and discuss your pain and find some help.

Best of luck katherine and so sorry for your loss.
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Old March 11th, 2005, 11:01 AM   #3
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I am so sorry for your loss. You need to really talk to someone,anyone. You seems like you have a lot of emotion bottled up and it needs to come out. Please go see someone, because things will get better.
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Old April 1st, 2005, 08:38 PM   #4
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I know that I need to talk to somebody, but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like this shouldn't have affected me the way it did. I think that I might be clinically depressed, but I don't know how to find out for sure. I read something about it recently, and I have a lot of the symptoms. I know that I would feel so much better if I did talk to someone, but I just don't know how. There are people that I know would be willing to talk, but it is so difficult. I don't know what to do. I thought that I would be over this by now, but I think about him just as much. This is taking over my life, what am I supposed to do?
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Old April 2nd, 2005, 01:00 AM   #5
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Katherine, you have cause to be depressed. You suffered a great loss in your life. Sincerely hope that you do find someone to talk to.
When you lose someone that you love, or feel a great attachment to it takes something away from you. Please talk to your counselor at school, a school nurse, your doctor, all those people that Cod mentioned.
It's ok to ask for help. Especially when your emotions are stretched like an elastic.
Good luck.
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Old April 2nd, 2005, 01:42 PM   #6
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I really like how you said her emotions were stretched like elastic. That analogy holds true for many of us throughout different times in our life.
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Old April 2nd, 2005, 04:16 PM   #7
katherine
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Last night I finally worked up the courage to call my best friend and I told her everything. I told her how I have been feeling numb to everything since the accident, and she just let me talk and cry and talk some more. When I told her I wished that I never would have known him, she reassured me that he was so good for me and my self-confidence at a time when most of the girls my age were looking for confidence by jumping into bed with guys they hardly knew. I know that I will never forget him, or what he did for me during hard times, and I hope that someday soon I can remember him and smile instead of think of him and cry. I saw his identical twin brother today, and it really freaked me out, but I handled it. I didn't burst into tears or anything. I hope that I am making some progress.
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Old April 2nd, 2005, 06:04 PM   #8
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Sounds really good katherine. You are taking positive steps. That takes courage! My best to you!
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Old April 3rd, 2005, 11:35 AM   #9
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Katherine, I know it may not seem it now but the old saying is true. Time heals. In time it'll feel better. Cod is right, you are starting to heal. Hang in hon, you are going to do ok.
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Old April 3rd, 2005, 12:56 PM   #10
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Katherine, Just by opening up and talking out loud about it..as cod, and crazymomma say is the beginning of the healing process. Keep the talk going. It's when we hold things in that we don't heal.
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Old April 3rd, 2005, 03:19 PM   #11
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Amen (((to all)))
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Old April 3rd, 2005, 09:09 PM   #12
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Hi Katherine!
I just read your first letter, and I am so sorry for your pain. When I was MUCH younger..I lost my first husband in a car crash also. I felt tremendous guilt, as we had been out celebrating our first anniversary the night before, and he did'nt get much sleep and had to work the next morning. I had a premonition, I told him to wait, but we had had an arguement...something stupid...and he took off. Anyway, he fell asleep at the wheel, and crashed into a cement culvert and was killed instantly. The reason i am telling you this is because when I first went back to my apartment, it almost killed me. I was like you, very depressed and thought life would never be the same again. Then one of my neighbor ladies came over and told me although I had overwhelming grief then, that time would heal my pain. I just dismissed her, but I always remembered what she said. Then I got the nerve to talk to my Sunday School Teacher, who was a very wise woman. She said that I couldn't live my llife on Should've beens, but remember our good times. Well, here I am...many years later, and I know how you feel. But you made a great first step in talking to your friend. Don't bottle up your empotions. I am proud that you had the courage to write your letter. God Bless You, and Good luck!
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Old April 13th, 2005, 01:28 AM   #13
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Wink You can bet your bottom dollar on it!

((((Katherine)))) Just to let you know that what the others have said is so true. I ought to know. I have been online for seven years. During that time my mom passed away. Well thanks to the support love and friendships I have here, I survived and got thru that dark time of my life. Now I am not saying that you wont have flash backs and get misty eyed cause you will. Nor am I saying that right now you have to feel a certain way..If no one understands then bless them..you are dealing with things the way you can. Yes go seek some help thru your friends and maybe a doctor. Also come online and post. It truley is a godsend to have this here. Right about now is the time when I am dreading..You see my parent's anniversary is on April 14, then mother's day (last day I talked to her before she passed on) then the actual day of her passing May 17 still has me mistied eyed and wanting to cry all the time. Yet I am struggling each year to do something positive with that time frame thus I can honor her memory and love she gave me. I hope this helps. Also come into chat even all you do is sit there at least you'll be surrounded by others who truley care and have good ears to listen and big shoulders to cry on with hearts the size of Texas to hold you til you are done. That is my opinion but its true as I know it.
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Old July 30th, 2005, 03:33 PM   #14
katherine
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Since I last posted, I have talked to several friends about this, and they have all been so supportive. Things still remind me of him, and I do get a bit teary eyed at times, but over all I am doing much better. The only problem now is that I am terrified to get close to any other guy because I might lose them, too. I am not too worried about that, though, because I don't need a boyfriend. I am only sixteen, and I still have my whole life ahead of me. I will always remember him, but I will not dwell on that anymore.
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Old September 26th, 2005, 12:06 PM   #15
MintyFemme2
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Katherine you will find some one in time to love. I lost my partner in May. I hurt alot at times but I know in time I will find some one to love again. I don't expect it will be the same but it will be love. The love you shared with this person opened up your heart to and taught you love. Keep talking to your friends . Your mother or an older role model might help you get through this .
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