Women Online Worldwide  

Go Back   Women Online Worldwide > About Being a Woman > Romantic Relationships

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old March 3rd, 2005, 11:17 PM   #1
Pink_girl
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
advice please

I've been going out with my boyfriend for two years now. At first he was really nice and sweet. As we started going out longer, my boyfriend started treating me worse and worse. He started calling me mean names that really hurt me. He was really jealous of me. I wasn't allowed to go to parties with my friends. He made me leave my prom early and he totally ruined my prom night. Things have gotten worse over the past two years. He always insults me. He treats me like I don't matter. He knows I'm weak and that I have no self-esteem and when I tell him I don't want to see him anymore he says, "I know you'll come back to me" He doesn't hit me or take my money but he emotionally abuses me. He hardly ever calls to apologize when he has hurt my feelings and when he does apologize he says that he was mad and he'll never do it again but he always does. I'm always the one who ends up calling him and I know I shouldn't do this but somewhere deep inside I guess I sort of love him. Maybe its because he was my first love. I have nobody to talk to about this. I don't want anyone in my family to know about it. I don't really have any close friends that I can talk to. I wish that he could treat me like I was special..like i matter. I'm in University and I only see my boyfriend every other weekend and when I come home to see him, he goes to the club.I'm sorry if I sound like a weak stupid girl. I shouldn't be this way. I know I should break up with him. I just wanted to get it out.
  Reply With Quote
Old March 4th, 2005, 10:29 AM   #2
Cod
Hooked on The OC!
 
Cod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,252
Okay Pink_girl.......read your post over and over at least 10 times and then decide what it is you need to do.

Good luck!
Cod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 4th, 2005, 12:28 PM   #3
IRISH_EYES_99
Member
 
IRISH_EYES_99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: in the state of confusion :)
Posts: 3,524
I agree with Cod. Please read it at least 10 times. Then get some counseling to find out why you would want to take this abuse. It will only get worse. Do you really really want that??????????????????????????
__________________
Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *
IRISH_EYES_99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 4th, 2005, 02:23 PM   #4
WA114
www.womensweb.ca
 
WA114's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 551
Colleges and universities almost inevitably have free and confidential support services available to students, whether through a Peer Support program, or through a team of psychologists and counselors working under the umbrella of Student Services or Health Services.

At other universities, students studying Education Pyschology often see clients as part of their training, whether it's to offer individual counseling or group sessions. If such a clinic exists at your school, I'd certainly encourage you to look into working with someone to overcome the low self-esteem and the emotional issues stemming from the abuse.

As has already been suggested, a healthy relationship is one in which you are validated, encouraged to pursue your dreams and aspirations, motivated, supported, and resepected. Being with someone should be a memorable experience -- I'm really sad that your boyfriend is creating negative memories and associations for you.

You may also wish to consult the following online resources:

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html


Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html


Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html


How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

You may want to direct your question to palma@unet.com.mk Sam Vaknin has the editor of <a href="http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse" style="color: red; text-decoration: underline">Verbal and Emotional Abuse at Suite 101</a> and has a number of online support groups. He answers threads like this from users every day and I'm sure would welcome your question.

You can find the groups at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/narcis...abuse/messages
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Narcis...order/messages
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/...ALITY-DISORDER

Best of luck to you.
__________________
There are 2 means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
-- A.Schweitzer
WA114 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 6th, 2005, 12:58 AM   #5
Kerirose63
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 13
Hi Pink!
As a mother, I am begging you to please reconsider your decision to put up with this guy. I know it is hard...I have ben in many abusuve relationships myself. Each time I kept hanging on, just cos I thought someone is better than noone. But guess what...although it is hard to break up with this person, you must do it for yourself, even though it will hurt like Heck at first, it will never be worse than the pain you are feeling now. Remember, you are a beautiful person, God's creation...and there IS someone out there who will treat you right, and you will find them. In the meantime, please dont let this jerk abuse you anymore. You say you have'nt talked to your family? Well,consider me, and all the wonderful women as your cyber moms. Love yourself..... and take one day at a time. Things will be better each day, if you do that and don't let this guy abuse you anymore!
((( Hugs )))
Kerirose63 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 6th, 2005, 05:59 PM   #6
IRISH_EYES_99
Member
 
IRISH_EYES_99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: in the state of confusion :)
Posts: 3,524
Pnk, Hope you are listening here. Hubby and I were in a restaurant last night. A great place for families and there were some families there. Well!!! Not such a great couple sitting behind us. I thought of you and all the women that take that abuse. He was totally obnoxious to say the least. Calling her every name and then some, while saying what a great personality he had. Damn with a personality like that he will end up by himself or he should.
My heart went out to the woman every fiber of my body wanted to tell her to leave him. She would have been better off by herself than being humiliated. For anyone woman or man to put up with that tirade of abuse is SAD.
I got hold of the manager he spoke to him 3x before having him leave. Sadly the jerk will blame her for their having to leave.
NO ONE NEEDS TO TAKE THAT ABUSE!!!!!NO ONE!!!! please get help and get out of it with your sanity in tact. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! YOU hve to believe that.
__________________
Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *
IRISH_EYES_99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 7th, 2005, 12:01 PM   #7
MintyFemme2
Registered User
 
MintyFemme2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 571
Pink, abuse cycles start out with name calling then appologizing. He may feel sory for what he says but after awhile he doesn't really mean it he just says it to keep you around. Everyone of us women who have read this post can tell you to leave. We can even tell you what we have seen, wittnessed or been through ourselves but it won't matter until YOU are ready to get out of your situtation. I am sure being away from home for the first time is very scarey and it does give you comfort to know you have friends and family back home. Try going to counseling at your University and try to make friends to maybe help ease the homesickness. Maybe once you are around positive people you will be able to notice people who are just "dead wood" in your life and loose them before they make you sink as well.
If nothging else you read today gives you hoperead Irish's post over again and again. Irish has a wonderful husband who has been treating her like the queen she is for many years. (((((((IRISH))))))) I'm sorry that you saw what ya saw.
__________________
" Life is what you make of it"
MintyFemme2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 9th, 2005, 03:35 PM   #8
rjsfeminist
Member
 
rjsfeminist's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: west central Florida
Posts: 1,512
Pink, please, please, please listen to what everyone is saying. As a survivor of an abusive relationship, I can tell you it will only get worse. Please leave! Contact a spouse abuse hotline. Granted, you might not be married now, but they can give you a lot of help, etc.

Be good to yourself. He may try telling you you're not worth anything, that you'll never find anyone else, but you ARE a worth-while person! You DON'T deserve abuse. If a stranger treated you the way he is, you wouldn't put up with it.

Keep us posted. We care.
rjsfeminist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 9th, 2005, 08:13 PM   #9
Cod
Hooked on The OC!
 
Cod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,252
Well everyone has shown a lot of concern. Wonder if Pink read all this?
Cod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 9th, 2005, 09:34 PM   #10
IRISH_EYES_99
Member
 
IRISH_EYES_99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: in the state of confusion :)
Posts: 3,524
Cod,
Well if she hasn't maybe someone else did and heeded some of the advice. Hopefully pink will read this. Maybe she has taking steps to leave. Left the computer behind. ?????????? (Sigh!)
__________________
Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *
IRISH_EYES_99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 9th, 2005, 11:04 PM   #11
WA114
www.womensweb.ca
 
WA114's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 551
I agree. There's no need for cynicism/skepticism. Whether she does or doesn't is her prerogative.

That the advice is here and available to others who may currently be or in the future find themselves in this spot is good enough for me.

While it's hard to leave, I'm sure some reading this will heed the advice and suggestions given.
__________________
There are 2 means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
-- A.Schweitzer
WA114 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 11th, 2005, 10:58 AM   #12
jkearns4949
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DE
Posts: 38
Please, find a way to be strong. He takes you for granted and does not respect you. You should do something to make yourself feel better and increase your self-esteem.
jkearns4949 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 18th, 2006, 11:46 PM   #13
wicca
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: michigan
Posts: 8
Talking this is also infwife

hey yall just a update my husband is doning good and he already had his leave from jan 21- feb6 also we might be expecting! i'm so happy about it we are hopeing! also he will be comeing home for good ither april may or june so i'm asking please keep all the men and women over there also their familys in your hopes and toughts also i wanna give a shout out to my mummy (Cookieart) thank you and have a nice day



Mrs. Infwife and Husband
wicca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 18th, 2006, 11:54 PM   #14
wicca
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: michigan
Posts: 8
hey pink

i am not sure if this is too late but do what the others say and if you need somebody to talk to im me on yahoo any time i don't mind! ok i'm a militray wife and i have many friends that have been there i have also been in one myself scared to tell anybody but now its fine you just need be strong my im name is emilymystery13 feel free ok?
wicca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old February 22nd, 2006, 05:02 PM   #15
infwife
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Angry this is wicca my other yahoo id i forgot the password

pink if your still reading these im me if u have yahoo under emilymystery1921 ok
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Copyright ?1996-2008, Women Online Worldwide