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Old February 13th, 2007, 01:28 AM   #1
bluegirlfornow
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Question I left my husband because I didn't love him anymore

I left my husband of 9 years 2 months ago.Ever since all he does is call all the time tell me he wants to die and he cant go on with out me.He is really wearing me down.The guilt I feel is over whelming.It's almost to the point where Iam thinking about going back to him because I can't stand the pain Iam causing him.I do not love him.And I am ashamed to say I never really did.I married him for security because I was and still am very ill with crohns disease.It took every bit of courage I had to leave him.I am really trying to stay strong.I really want to find myself before it's to late to do so.Iam 42 and I feel this is my last chance.Please somebody advise me on how to handle this situation.I have already told him I would go to couseling to help him move on.But he says he will not pay someone to help me leave him all the way.By the way this is my second marriage.I have two kids by my first marriage.and I have no kids with him.Thanks, bluegirlfornow
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Old February 16th, 2009, 04:11 AM   #2
InLoveWithChandra
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That's so sad to hear.
I'm sorry for the two of you.

Now, I know how it feels to be left by someone I really love. However, when that someone left me, it took a long time for me to move on but I didn't beg for him to come back. What's left for me is my pride and that's all I have to start all over again. Thanks goodness, I've moved on.

So, just think that he will eventually learn to carry on with life without you. Its not really easy, almost everyone knows that BUT time will heal all broken hearts. In due time, he will learn to move on without you. Moving on varies from one person to another and it depends on one's willingness to move on.

Forgive me to say this but what he's doing is too much immaturity. You have offered to help him in any way that you can be he refused which means, he refused to help himself. Only him can help his own self. So don't feel guilty.

As for your case, the only thing I can tell you is that... I'm glad that you were able to realize that you need to find your own self. If you don't love him, then don't ever make the mistake of getting back with him just to make him feel better. It's hard to live in a lie so give yourself a break and do what you want and not what he want.

We only have one life and we should make the most out of it.


I hope it helps a bit. I really am sorry for him though but he got to help himself first.
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Old February 16th, 2009, 04:13 AM   #3
InLoveWithChandra
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That's so sad to hear.
I'm sorry for the two of you.

Now, I know how it feels to be left by someone I really love. However, when that someone left me, it took a long time for me to move on but I didn't beg for him to come back. What's left for me is my pride and that's all I have to start all over again. Thanks goodness, I've moved on.

So, just think that he will eventually learn to carry on with life without you. Its not really easy, almost everyone knows that BUT time will heal all broken hearts. In due time, he will learn to move on without you. Moving on varies from one person to another and it depends on one's willingness to move on.

Forgive me to say this but what he's doing is too much immaturity. You have offered to help him in any way that you can but he refused which means, he refused to help himself. Only him can help his own self. So don't feel guilty.

As for your case, the only thing I can tell you is that... I'm glad that you were able to realize that you need to find your own self. If you don't love him, then don't ever make the mistake of getting back with him just to make him feel better. It's hard to live in a lie so give yourself a break and do what you want and not what he want.

We only have one life and we should make the most out of it.


I hope it helps a bit. I really am sorry for him though but he got to help himself first.
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Old November 10th, 2009, 03:42 AM   #4
cdelong
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I hope things worked out for you but the guilt is enormous even when it is not your fault but staying true to yourself is important. I recently left a 18 year relationship because I had alot of quantity but the quality of the relationship was not there for me. I know he is hurting but I know I did the right thing.
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Old November 10th, 2009, 05:46 PM   #5
tjterri63
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I am sorry for the both of you. I left my husband of 15 years and, even though I was the one who ended the marriage, it was still very painful and sad. He was devestated and did everything he could think of to get me to come back. But I just couldn't. I didn't love him anymore and I just could not stay in that situation. My advice would be don't go back out of guilt. The one lesson I learned from my situation is that I was not responsible for his happiness. I was responsible for my own and that's it. So, if you go back out of guilt for his unhappiness, what about your happiness? You are more important to you than anyone else.
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