Encrapment...Oops, I Mean Entrapment

Reviewed by Vickie, Cinema Geek

Vick's Rating:

= There's two hours of my life I'll never see again. Is it too late to ask for my money back?
= They could have done SO much better. Wait for the video.
= Not bad at all. Some solid work.
= Wow! I'm very impressed. I might go see this one again.
= For the love of all that is good and kind in the world, what an amazing movie!!!

Directed by Jon Amiel

Cast:
Robert "Mac" MacDougal...Sean Connery
Gin Baker..............Catherine Zeta-Jones
Thibadeaux.........................Ving Rhames
Cruz.....................................Will Patton
Conrad Greene.................Maury Chaykin

You know, I was quite happy to announce my distaste for this "film" quietly. To simply share my opinions with the people in my life whom I feared might make the mistake of shelling out $8.50 (or more!) to see this would-be suspense yarn at theaters. Who am I to rock the boat? Everyone's entitled to their opinion, right? Just because it wasn't my cup of tea doesn't mean I should bemoan anyone else's enjoyment.

Then "Entrapment" (heretofore referred to as "Encrapment" because I'm that bitter that I wasted two hours of my life on this movie) grossed some twenty-odd million dollars at the box office its opening weekend. That, in a word, is wrong, and I decided to broadcast my thoughts to anyone who'll listen, in the hopes that the studio execs who made "Encrapment" will somehow be deterred from (heaven forbid) making a (gasp!) sequel. (Cue ominous, foreboding music and a piercing shriek.)

When I go into a theater expecting little or nothing from what I'm about to see, the film in question rarely manages to sink below those expectations. Well, congratulations to the cast and crew of "Encrapment" for successfully creating a piece of cinema that was more boring, tiresome, melodramatic and disappointing than I had feared it would be when I first took my seat.

The story follows world-renowned art thief Robert MacDougal (Sean Connery), known affectionately as "Mac" to both friends and foes alike. Why do all roguish movie crooks have cute nicknames? Just a thought. Mac has pulled off some of the most difficult and expensive heists in history, so a shrewd insurance company sends its top investigator, Gin Baker (Catherine Zeta-Jones) to track down Mac and prevent him from the further pilfering of pricey paintings. That's fine and good, but Gin is an aspiring thief herself, and is almost immediately taken under Mac's geriatric wing. Soon the pair are plotting multi-million dollar capers that will make them both very, very rich and getting altogether too cutesy as they "battle" their mutual attraction for each other.

Whatever.

The lot then basically follows a one-note thread: steal stuff. The end. Oh, and of course, Mac leers at Gin. Seriously, that's all there is. There's no suspense, no intrigue, no witty repartée...nothing. The film seemed to d-r-a-g on well past the point where it held my interest...which was somewhere around the opening credits.

One of the main problems, in my opinion, was the cast. Okay, fine, everyone swoons over Sean Connery...but I just don't get it. The man is, what, eighty years old now? And we're supposed to buy him as a wiley art thief? Able to scale tall buildings, elude complex security devices and seduce a woman young enough to be his granddaughter in a single bound? I don't think so. While there isn't anything specifically wrong with his performance, there certainly isn't anything great about it, either. Anyone could have played Mac--it wasn't a role that only he could play. There wasn't anything special about it.

And don't get me started on Catherine Zeta-Jones. She became the new "it girl" after her role in "The Mask of Zorro" so I thought, if nothing else, she'd be reason to enjoy the film. But unfortunately for her, the character of Gin is so underdeveloped that I didn't even know her name until somewhere around the one-hour mark. "Is he calling her Gwen? Lynn? What did he say????" Gin is apparently this amazingly gifted contortionist/gymnast/ballerina/computer hacker/martial-arts whiz...yet she devolves into a whiny, tearful brat whenever things don't go her way. Annoying characters and the actors who play them do little to endear themselves to me and, I would guess, filmgoers in general. She was no exception.

There's also the small matter of the useless supporting characters. Ving Rhames is there. Period. He's not awful, he's not great, and his screen time clocks in at about fifteen minutes. Maury Chaykin appears with lipstick and mascara as a grotesque, sweaty, Buddha-like American, hepped up on some wacky dope and sitting in a diaper (!) on some big pillows. I just shook my head. I'm not kidding. The man had a diaper on.

Story-wise, "Encrapment" fell way short of the mark. As I said, there was no discernable suspense or intrigue--at no point did I fear for the characters' safety or well being. In fact, I didn't care. I was actually hoping something bad would happen, just to keep it interesting. And I refuse to address the whole romance angle. Puh-lease. Zeta-Jones bumps and grinds her way through much of the intricate heist action, while Connery's Mac looks on and practically drools while he watches her. I'm sorry, but I didn't buy their entire relationship.

Speaking of which, "Encrapment" also left me with hundreds of questions stemming from its inconsistencies, plot holes and preposterous developments. There were too many instances where I furrowed my brow and thought, "Where did that come from?" Characters' motivations were completely unclear and the story clicked along nicely without ever bothering to explain any of them...not the least of which was why Mac would take on a "partner" in the first place, even if she was a hottie?

Either way, it doesn't matter much now. The damage has been done. I went, I saw, I cringed. Let this be a lesson to you: don't make the same mistake I did. When you're scanning the movie listings and trying to find something to see...see something else.

ALSO IN THEATERS:

At the other end of the spectrum--in terms of enjoyment--is a fantastically wonderful British film called "Get Real" (). I saw it at the Toronto Film Festival last year, and it's now slowly hitting screens across the U.S. and Canada. Seek it out! The story, like that of the equally appealing "Beautiful Thing," follows the coming of age of two gay teens in England. One (Ben Silverstone) is quite comfortable with his homosexuality; the other (Brad Gorton), a popular athlete at their high school, is most definitely far, far, far back in his closet. Together, they struggle to come to terms with their budding relationship and the difficulties they each face in terms of their acceptance of themselves. Poignant and riotously funny at the same time, the film was met with thunderous applause and a standing ovation when it screened at the festival, and will no doubt inspire the same reaction among filmgoers elsewhere.

Vickie, a self-confessed movie addict, has spent the last few years working at an entertainment magazine in Canada. When she's not toiling away at her computer in the office, she's toiling away at her computer at home-- hacking away at unfinished screenplays and planning her acceptance speech for the Academy Awards.