Psycho: Checking Out the Bates Motel

Reviewed by Vickie, Cinema Geek

Vick's Rating:

= There's two hours of my life I'll never see again. Is it too late to ask for my money back?
= They could have done SO much better. Wait for the video.
= Not bad at all. Some solid work.
= Wow! I'm very impressed. I might go see this one again.
= For the love of all that is good and kind in the world, what an amazing movie!!!

Directed by Gus Van Sant

Cast:
Norman Bates......Vince Vaughn
Marion Crane.........Anne Heche
Lila Crane.........Julianne Moore
Sam................Viggo Mortensen
Arbogast.........William H. Macy

I have not seen the original "Psycho."

Having never seen the original, I thought myself to be the ideal candidate to give a fair and objective review of its remake. I would not be biased by my love for (or hatred of) Alfred Hitchcock's film; I would not draw comparisons between the two, and waste time praising or criticizing the fact that things were changed...or remained exactly the same; I would not try to evaluate the actors' performances based on the work of their predecessors; and most importantly, I would not cry "blasphemy!" at the mere thought of remaking a movie that seems to be universally regarded as a masterpiece.

All that said, "Psycho" was a big, fat letdown.

Directed by Gus Van Sant, who scored a home run last year with "Good Will Hunting," the film is, according to all involved, a virtual carbon copy of the original---right down to dialogue and camera angles. For anyone living under a rock, the film tells the story of creepy motel owner Norman Bates (Vince Vaughn), who runs an establishment so far off the beaten track it's a wonder anyone ever checks in. Next to the dozen rooms that make up the guest residences, is a tall, dark, menacing, run-down house where Norman lives with his mother. Very cozy.

Into Norman's demented little world stumbles Marion Crane (Anne Heche), who's taken $400,000 of her boss's money and run, instead of depositing it in the bank like he asked. She's headed to see her boyfriend (Viggo Mortensen), but stops along the way during a rainstorm and seeks shelter at Norm's place. Then there's some weird small talk, freaky stuffed birds, a shower and a big, ole knife. The rest, as they say is history.

Whatever.

The original "Psycho" for me, was always one of those films that I'd heard so much about that I felt like I'd already seen it. I knew the "punchline" already, so why bother waiting through the joke? Maybe that's why this version did absolutely nothing to scare me, or shock me, or keep me on the edge of my seat. It was dull. It was boring. It was s-l-o-w. Repeating decades-old dialogue really dated the movie and was distracting--people just don't talk like that anymore. Knowing the outcome of the movie in advance of the opening credits really made it hard to maintain any level of suspense. No one in the theater with me gasped, or jumped, or shrieked at any time during the film's could-have-been-way-shorter two hours. And don't even get me started on the five-minute explanation of the preceding hour and forty-five minutes of screen action that concludes the film.

The actors do their best with the sacred roles they've been given, but they aren't convincing. Julianne Moore is wasted as Marion's determined sister, and Viggo Mortensen has this tough-guy air about him that makes it hard to see him as an almost-befuddled boyfriend. Anne Heche was decent, but we all know the fate of her character, so it's not like she can carry the film.

No, that duty falls on the mighty-tall shoulders of Mr. Vince Vaughn, who should be commended for at least daring to take on a role that so many people said would be impossible. They might have been right though, since he isn't terribly effective. Vaughn is a very smiley guy--he showed that in "Swingers" and "Return to Paradise" and even in his work as the gregarious serial killer in "Clay Pigeons"--and that doesn't make for a very scary bad guy. Not that all bad guys have to be outwardly scary (witness the career of Kevin Spacey), but Norman seems more like a goofy kid with a nervous laugh than a psychotic mama's boy.

That covers the story, the dialogue and the cast. What else? Oh right, how about the music? Every two minutes this jarring, frenetic, "now something scary's gonna happen!" music chimes in. That's fine if something scary is actually going to happen. But why is it there when Marion is just driving along the road? It was a small case of overkill, in my opinion. Ditto for the camera work. Shots that may have seemed avant garde in the 1960s now seem clichéd.

Was there anything I liked about "Psycho?" Not really. If I wasn't reviewing it for this column I probably would have walked out halfway through, due to sheer boredom. Gus Van Sant has said in interviews that his film is a tribute to the artistry of the original, and that's why he didn't change a thing. If that's really true, then he didn't do a good job selling me on the fact that I should step back in time to see Anthony Perkins and the lot do their thing.

And that's a bummer.

Vickie, a self-confessed movie addict, has spent the last few years working at an entertainment magazine in Canada. When she's not toiling away at her computer in the office, she's toiling away at her computer at home-- hacking away at unfinished screenplays and planning her acceptance speech for the Academy Awards.